The Last Couple Weeks…

Last night after a 12- hour shift I pulled into our apartment complex, parked the car, took the elevator up to our floor and walked into our home.

“How was it?”

That was all it took. The tears just flowed. And flowed some more.

DJ jumped up from the couch and just held me.

The end of my first week of in-hospital nursing came to a close. With it came feelings of incompetence like none I have ever experienced. Those feelings of inadequacy slowly chipped away at my confidence, as though carving out pieces of my soul. After three shifts, I was broken.

I knew this was coming, mentally. I have heard it from countless other new nurses before. I won’t let that happen, I lied to myself.

Yes, this past week was perhaps one of the most emotionally draining of my life. I knew orientation would be a challenge- but I truly don’t know how I’m going to finish everything by the deadline of April 19th. We have countless skills we have to perform in-hospital, but when caring for patients, it’s hard enough to find a bathroom break, let alone demonstrate how to set up a chest tube, how to clean a tracheostomy, how to insert an NG tube, how to change a CVC dressing, set up a lumbar drain, etc.

On top of that is the physical exhaustion- the 4:30 wake up calls, the intense modules to complete on my “day off”, the desire to keep a home running for DJ and I to live in, including keeping groceries stocked and the laundry done.

But perhaps one of the most challenging aspects right now stems from the deep love I have for the people I am caring for. All that above, it’s hard to do, but oh man, it is so worth it when I can care for someone so intimately and make a difference in their lives. But out of this love I have for caring for my patients comes a desire to be freaking good at caring for them. And I’m not. I have no idea what I’m doing right now, and I am beyond frustrated with myself. One of our educators told us multiple times that we have to be forgiving with ourselves. Now I totally understand what she meant.

I forget to chart so many things. I lay awake panicking because I can’t remember if I did A, B, AND C, or if I only did A and B. I drive to work nauseas because I’m so terrified.

But it’s normal, they say.

Do I regret this choice or decision? No.

Do I wonder if I have what it takes? Yes.

Do I have to remind myself multiple times a day that God has a specific plan for me here? Yes.

Is this the first chapter of my story that has a beautiful ending where I can confidently say that I am a good nurse? I really hope so.

Ya’ll know that I’m pretty candid around here. Yes, I LOVE to make the world’s-worst jokes, and I LOVE to laugh-but I will let you know when it’s been tough tough tough. When things get stressful, I tend to go into hermit mode and cut myself off from the world. But in this past couple weeks I have worked up a serious appetite to blog. I feel like it always helps me put things back into perspective. When you can write about a situation, it gives it a tangibility and control at your finger tips. You decide what is highlighted, and ultimately you decide the perspective you have and the learning you gain from the experience. That’s what writing does for me, and it’s cathartic and healing in an essence of its own.

And although this week was so hard, I know that it will get better. I am in a learning season, and sometimes learning is one of the most trying obstacles we can face in life. Why? Because learning requires a stretch of our will, minds, energy, patience, and that is usually uncomfortable. But the awesome truth about the trials of learning is the accompaniment of growth. Lessons aren’t learned in complacency, but rather in tribulation. As is growth. So for that growth I am thankful, I need this stage to help me blossom. I need it to refine me and my character. I need it to meet new friends, lead people to Jesus, and carry out a purpose for which I have been called. One day this stage will allow me to encourage others that walk through it too.

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(Romans 5:3) Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

And in the mean time, I refuse to solely survive. I want to live, I want to thrive. I want to learn as much as I can and not let every negative, exhausting, emotionally draining situation define me or my perspective.

I also don’t write this for pity or anything- it’s simply to have a baseline for myself moving forward so I can see that growth that takes place! I know things will get better, and I hate to be negative, but it’s also important for me to be candid about these things for my own reflection! 

Hope I didn’t give anyone an extra case of the Monday blues! 🙈

Sooo, without further adieu. I would love to share some highlights of our week…

I am officially running the Big Sur Marathon!!! I haven’t officially announced it here because I didn’t know if my work schedule would allow it. To be honest, I haven’t trained much, so it may be a bit rough. If anything, I will see some spectacular views! I’m trying not to put too much pressure on myself to get a great time or even finish it if my body says, “heck nah”, so we will see. I did complete an 18-miler with two minor breaks on Friday while studying on the treadmill, so that’s not too bad! This weekend I don’t work Saturday, so I might go for a 22-miler while I study! Anywho…. here are my nature-y pics from other runs during the week!

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DJ and I still haven’t seen each other much during the week. Baseball season is gearing up, so he has been at work till about 10/11 pm every evening including many weekend nights. However, Saturday March 25th, he had a lunch break (where he could actually leave the office). We met at Bill’s because where else?! He ordered the french toast croissant and I ordered the greek omelette again because I’m addicted. We missed ya, Mom and Gordie! (If you missed our awesome weekend and the full review of Bill’s Cafe, check it out here).

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For dinner these past couple weeks, I have done crockpot ribs and a combination of Hello Fresh/Blue Apron, and salads. Blue Apron > Hello Fresh by a LANDSLIDE. I used Hello Fresh because we had a promo giftcard. It was promo no-no. I mean the stuff wasn’t horrible, but it was not Blue Apron. Blue Apron makes me feel like this in the kitchen…

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NOTHING ELSE DOES THAT! 

Oh, and here are the ribs. Made with none other than the SJ Giants BBQ sauce 😉 #REPRESENT

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This meal below was easily one of my favorite Blue Apron meals of all time!!! It was a mozzarella pizza with fresh oregano, spinach, and green bell peppers. YUM. The dough was perfection too.

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Traditionally, spring has been my least favorite season. But these California blooms are poppin’!

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BEST part of the day right here. Circa 5 am. Time with Jesus, coffee, Ezekiel bread/yogurt/strawberries.

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Oh hey look it’s a nurse! Don’t let the uniform fool you. My only recommendation for anything currently is to eat chocolate and take a Tylenol.

***Unless you have liver issues. Do not take more than 4g in a 24 hour period.***

Have to protect my butt now that I have a thing called a license.

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I’ve tried to change the scenery of my study areas and resorted to hanging out in our apartment’s community area. It’s so cute, I don’t know why I haven’t done this more in the past. And I’m lovin’ those pillows.

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On one of my days “off” (there is ALWAYS something to study and do or a class to attend on our days “off”, hence the quotations), I returned a ton of the business casual clothes I didn’t end up wearing for our two big business cas. weeks of orientation. I decided to take a quick stroll around Santana Row just to be outside for a bit. So many amazing memories here. There’s this memory and this memory and this memory……. It made me happy and nostalgic all at the same time.

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Thursday night we had our church group. This is the first time I have been able to make one since the group started up three weeks ago. DJ actually was able to request to leave early and led the group for the evening. Such a stud. My good friend Danielle (from that insane hike), made Lamingtons- a traditional Australian dessert. Holy Maloly they were so good. I can’t even explain. All good things come from Australia.

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She also made Vegemite/Veggie/Bacon and cheese scrolls- Which are seriously manna from heaven, and all people need to try these before they die. Danielle is also one of the greatest bakers ever, and I think Jesus blessed me a little extra with her as a friend.

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Last night was the first date night DJ and I had since my last post (at the Socialight on March 24th). I came home from work around 8 pm emotionally exhausted and hangry as mentioned above. ***I also have to make a side note that DJ cleaned the whole house, did dishes and laundry on his first day off in a couple weeks. He is amazing.***

Anyways, there was a very specific meal I was craving- and that was Lazy Dog’s Sesame Crusted Ahi Tuna over Cauliflower mashed potatoes in a curry coconut cream sauce. Luckily, DJ hadn’t ate a huge dinner so we headed over to Main Street for a late one. (Also what better place to go post 12-hour work day than Lazy Dog?)

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This was the highlight of my week. Just spending these precious, small moments with DJ. (He doesn’t like me taking his picture, so I sneak them and then post them on the internet while he’s not looking 😉 ). And then he’ll read this and I’ll get a lecture. It’s like clockwork.

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And forever, the PEET’s mug will host our Sunday mornings.

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So, today was PALM SUNDAY!!!! I needed my church family badly. They encouraged me greatly. Also, in this worship service today, I felt so wrapped in love. There is a specific reason for this… it’s amazing the way God works.

Going back a few years… the day after my dad passed away in high school, I went to church. I felt like going through the “normal” motions was just how I coped. I remember the first song that played in our worship service was “Hosanna”. I couldn’t choke out the words but my heart was singing them. It was laden with emotion and has been for me ever sense. It’s weird though, it doesn’t bring with it feelings of immense sadness and loss necessarily. It brings back the reminder that the Lord is my comfort in my darkest moments. Our church that DJ and I attend now has their own worship music from C3 Church’s elevation worship- they rarely play more “mainstream” worship that most churches know. However, this morning, while I was feeling downcast and perhaps more stressed than I have in my life, the worship team started playing this song. It just brought me such comfort- reminding me that God is my place of rest, my Prince of Peace. I felt like Jesus was reminding me that He will be with me through all of this.

DJ had to work today, but was back home for dinner (officially an anomaly).

For dinner tonight I had some leftover Seared Sesame Ahi tuna from leftover’s last night in my salad with tons of avocado and white cheddar puff pastries from Blue Apron. DJ wanted his leftover ribs.

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I spent the rest of today studying and basically trying to get organized (contrary to what the picture might say).

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The work week starts again bright and early at 5:00 am (which now feels like sleeping in compared to my hospital days). I have modules and classroom work the beginning of the week and 12-hour shifts starting Thursday.

I am so very sad that blogging has been put on the big ole’ back burner. Once orientation is over the load should lighten up a bit. I send ya’ll so much love.

xo ❤

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66 thoughts on “The Last Couple Weeks…

  1. I cannot imagine how draining this has been for you! I’m so glad you’ve found a little time to blog to help your perspective. I’m rooting for you big time; I hope things start to fall into place- I’ve got a big feelng that they will. Lots and lots of love xxxx

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    1. Awww sweet, Kat! Thank you tons for your sweet encouragement. It means more than you can know! I can’t wait for my first free day after orientation when I can just binge read your blog- it’s totally happening!!! ❤️

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  2. I pray you continue to find rest and assurance in Father’s heartbeat my friend [= I can understand a little the anxiety of learning something new (although I probably get more anxious over much less…..lol) don’t beat down your nurse’s heart for your mind and body’s learning curves, you are a good–and wonderful–nurse not because you have it all together yet but because Father has put his heart in you – the rest will follow in time, as you know [=
    A song just ran across my mind that goes something like this:

    Beautiful / Beautiful / Jesus is beautiful
    And Jesus makes beautiful / Things of my life
    Carefully / Touching me / Causing my eyes to see
    That Jesus makes beautiful / Things of my life

    =] prayers and best wishes to you as you plunge back into another week!

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    1. Carson, thank you SO much for your reminders and encouragement. It actually brought tears to my eyes- especially about me actually being a good nurse. You are SO right- I might feel incompetent, but God will never call us without equipping us. Wow, thank you for that reminder. And I love love love that song. Thank you for sharing with me. I hope you are having a blessed week leading up to the most triumphant day of the year 🙌🏻

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      1. There’s a first time for everyone for everything and nobody gets every first time perfect or there wouldn’t even BE training or orientation 😉 so you’re welcome (of course, and always). Don’t forget, big dreams take lots of time (:

        Ah, I love that, the most triumphant day of the year–of history…well, of eternity really, the Lamb slain from before the foundations of the world. Mmm. Happy Wednesday!

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      2. Haha good point about the point of orientation!!!!! That’s too funny. And right?! I am so pumped for Sunday- our pastor went to Jerusalem last year to prep for THIS Sunday! Hope you have a great day celebrating our King too!

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  3. Nursing is difficult! Look for that one moment of your day (it’s there!) where you made a difference. More of these moments will come as your skills and confidence build. God knew this plan for your life long before you did! He will carry you through!

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    1. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for this encouragement. It means the WORLD coming from another nurse. You are so right that this is what God has called me to and He will not leave me hanging!!!!! I hope you are having a wonderful week- thanks for stopping in. It means so much

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  4. I’ll keep you in my prayers, and thank you for being honest and sharing this. A lot of bloggers wouldn’t really share what they’re going through, so I really think that’s what makes you unique and special. 🙂 God Bless!

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    1. Aww Abigail !!!!!!! Thank you for affirming me so greatly through your sweet comment. Sometimes I don’t want to share the “bad” or hard stuff because I don’t want to bring others down- but then I’ve learned it is so cool when things get better, a prayer is answered, or something extra good happens and I can share in that with everyone. It ends up being a story of victory and encouragement – I hope this one is know different 🙂 thank you again- it means so much that you took the time to read!

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  5. I’m sorry the past few weeks have been so incredibly tough for you, Mackenzie! I can’t even imagine all the work you’ve been putting in, the new adjustments you are going through, along with just keeping up with life in general. I do know that God will carry you through! Change can be so hard, but if you think about it, you’re doing it. Right now! You are doing it!! I have so, so much respect for nurses, their wealthy of knowledge, love for patients, and hard work!

    Also Lamingtons look and sound amazing! What an awesome friend you have!

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    1. Allie!!! It is so so sweet of you to stop by!!!!!! Thank you for your encouragement and truth!! I think sometimes I forget that I don’t have to do this on my own strength- so thank you for that reminder too ❤️ Ah, I can’t tell you how much this lifted my spirits. And the lamingtons were to DIE FOR!!!!!!!!!! Have you ever had them?!

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    1. Oh my goodness thank you SOOOO MUCH!!!! This is so sweet of you to stop in and leave such uplifting words!!!! And this too shall pass- HOW TRUE!!!!!!!! It’s easy to forget in the moment- so thank you tons for the reminder 💕💕

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  6. This to shall pass Kenz. You were born to be a nurse and are very good at it. Trust your instincts. It’s always hard to find balance and quite frankly sometimes there just isn’t any balance but it is usually short lived and comes back around. Have a great week and know even when you don’t have faith in yourself there is a whole team of Kenz fans out here who do and 😘

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    1. Aunt Terry, you are one of the biggest blessings of my life ❤ Thank you always for sharing your wisdom and helping put things back into their proper perspective for me. It's also good to know that sometimes we just have to do what we have to do, but life will go on! You are the bestttt- thank you for always being one of my biggest fans ❤ I love you so much!

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  7. I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling so overwhelmed with work lately. As I was reading this, I just couldn’t help but think that God has you in this role for a reason. He has you in this role because you are going to change lives and because you are very much capable of handling it. I feel like I can definitely relate to what you are going through as my role recently doubled at work, and I spent some time feeling like I was not capable of handling so much responsibility. God kept reminding me that He has me right where He wants me. Since I have been given additional responsibilities, I have learned that I am not capable of doing it on my own; however, I am capable of doing it with God guiding me. It has been such a sweet time for me and my relationship with God. I have reached a point where I realize that I desperately need Him and have been able to lay down my worries at His feet and simply let Him carry me. And WOW has that really changed my perspective. I am hoping that short story can give you some encouragement! I believe we all have times where we feel so overwhelmed and defeated, and it makes things extremely difficult. But, I do think that those times are important to have to remind us just how big our God is and that there is nothing that He cannot handle, and it is certainly encouraging to know He is fighting for us.

    Also, I love that you heard that song at church. I know it was not a coincidence but was a reminder from God that He is with you and that there is no reason to worry. He carries us through our hardest struggles and there is no doubt that He will help you through this trial. Keep your head up and stay strong! I will be praying for you!

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    1. Rebeckah, wow. I cannot begin to explain how much of an encouragement you were to me today. Your comment brought tears to my eyes- you are so right, God has a plan for me here and He will carry me through. Your story that you shared with me was amazingly encouraging- it seriously changed my WHOLE perspective. I think sometimes when things get really hard I forget to rely on God as my strength- but He is the source of strength. I feel a sense of relief that I don’t have to do this on my own- He will help me just like He helped you too! Ah, our God is so faithful. If He is for us, who can be against?! THANK YOU, thank you again. I am so thankful for your sweet words, sister in Christ ❤

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  8. I have so much respect for you! I completely understand how overwhelmed you feel, and I have been in a class or job that caused me to question a great deal about myself and my capabilities. But sometimes we learn best through tough experiences. You will grow immensely from all of this, and your sacrifices will be well worth it. Thank you for your transparency and heartfelt post. Hang in there, Mackenzie! Things will surely improve for you soon. XO

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    1. Kori, you are SO SWEET! I am so thankful for your encouragement always. ❤ It's so good to know I'm not alone in these emotions. I can't wait to give another update where things are all looking up- I know it will be soon!! ❤ Alsooooo, I cannot wait for orientation to be over so I can just binge read your blog!!! Hope you are having a great week!!

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  9. I’m sorry to hear about your struggles with work. You are amazing though, a nurse is one of the most amazing careers you could have. I hope that things get easier in the next few weeks!

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  10. Hi Mackensie, I feel for you , after coming home and having a big release of tears after your first week. I knw the feelings of incompetence you had, You are in a tough field in nursing , but as you say it will get better, there will be light at the end of the tunnel. Having these seeminly hard challenges make us stronger going forward. You didn’t give me the blues, I feel so much compassion for everything you said . Congrats to you for taking on a marathon! You can do it. The flowers are sooo pretty Mackensie, God glory at work. I love the 5 am Jesus, coffee and food Pic. And look at that pretty lady in her nurses uniform! I love the secret Dj Pic you took, even though you got in trouble! Palm Sunday was a great day for us too Sunday, Jesus comes to Jerusalem , and the prophecy will be followed through with his trial, crucifixion and then his resurrection , as he saves us from our sins. Don’t worry about not getting to blogging, I am here , I will see you when you have time, Big hugs today Mackensie, Terri xoxo

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    1. Terri, thank you so much for your sweet sympathy with me in all this. I so appreciate you sharing your wisdom ❤ And the marathon actually is giving me something to look forward to big time! I'm super nervous for my 22 miler Saturday- but it will be a great stress relief after two long shifts! And the nursing uniforms are a BIG step up from the student ones (which were white!- Can you imagine how much coffee I spilled on those?!!). You support means the world to me. How has your week been? XO

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      1. Hi Mackensie, you are so welcome , I understand the stress you are going through, but it will get better and as you say they are willing you all to succeed. I have been there with coffee spills on my clothes before , and presently, and in the future to come haha ! The week has been busy with work, kids activities, and this is holy week, we celebrate the feast of the lords supper tonight, Good Friday tomorrow, and the Easter mass on sunday, have a blessed Easter you and DJ, hugs Mackensie, Terri xoxo.

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      2. So glad I’m not alone on the coffee spills 😉 Tehe! Sounds like a busy but blessed week. I hope your weekend has been absolutely wonderful so far, Terri ❤ This is truly one of my favorite weekends of the year. I am praying for lives to be changed and people to be saved tomorrow. *Big Hugs* XO

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  11. It really does sound like you got it rough. But you also have the determination and emotional support to get through it. Don’t worry much about the blog. It will be here when you have finished 🙂 wish you lots of good luck and stress free days 🙂

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    1. Hey, Sweet Girl! Thank you so very much for your sweet words always ❤ I can't wait for orientation to be over so I can spend those free days binge reading your blog and everyone else's 😉 Hope you are having a beautiful week!!!!!

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  12. A case of the “monday blues” from you? Never! Thank you for being so genuine about your journey. I think we all question our abilities sometimes… so that makes you, if nothing else, human and relatable. I know it’s been stressful, but I have a really good feeling for you 🙂 everything is going to work out just as it should!

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    1. Awwwww!!!!!!! Thank you, J.! Sometimes I am hesitant to share some of the hard stuff just because I don’t want to have negative energy around here- but at the the same time when things get better it’s so much fun to share in that joy with this community too! Thank you for your sweet love and encouragement always! I hope your week is off to an amazing start!

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    1. Thank you TONS, Heather!!!! You always bring me such encouragement! ❤ I hope all is well. I can't wait for a real day off after orientation so I can binge read your blog!!!!

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  13. I’m glad to see that you were somewhat prepared for the emotional toll that you were undertaking. It doesn’t make it any easier but it sure beats getting smacked upside the head when you’re expecting everything is going to be sunshine and lollipops. Once you settle into a groove, you’ll do just swimmingly. Until you get to that point, you’ve got a whole ton of people you can turn to. Cheers

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    1. You know the whole “Jump in the deep-end and swim?” …. YOU NAILED IT with that!!! I kept thinking that was exactly how I was feeling. After getting a couple good night sleeps I feel much better. It’s crazy what lack of sleep can do on your emotions! Thank you always for your encouragement and reminder that it WILL get better. You have been right up to this point, so I know it’s true 😉 Thanks, Kristal!!! Hope you are so well.

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  14. I’m sorry that it was such an emotionally taxing week, but I’m glad that you were able to still find the good parts. 🙂 Romans 5:3 is a wonderful reminder. I’m sure that we all wish life were simple and easy, but God has plans to grow us and sometimes it’s not fun. 😉 Wishing you a calmer, peace-filled week!

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    1. Any, thank you tons for your sweet empathy! This is so encouraging to me as I am heading into work today. You are so right with your words of wisdom too! I hope you have the most lovely day today!! 💕

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  15. Hey, my heart goes out to you and I’m sending you lots of love, your loveliness will carry you through and I know your heart will as well. Thank you for sharing…your pictures of food always make me hungry and I love your pictures of spring!

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    1. Kimberlee, thank you thank you for stopping in and leaving such lovely encouragement. I am reading this on my way to work this morning and it does such good for my soul! I’m glad the foodie pics seem appetizing – we have a fun dinner outing this weekend so the food pics will be all out! Hope you are having a perfect week 🙂 💕

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  16. Oh sweeties Huge Huge HUGE hugs.
    First of all you are superwoman. You really are I am in such awe of you and all you are doing. Your educator is completely right. Rome wasn’t built in a day and you have been dropped into the deep end of the swimming pool not knowing how to swim (Wow How may cliche quotes can I use?;) It is okay if you aren’t perfect. It really is.
    What is more thank you. THANK YOU for allowing us to see your vulnerability and sharing this journey even the unpleasant parts.
    While yes it helps if you know how to Trach someone or clean a Cvc dressing, the most important part of being a nurse isn’t how many medical procedures you can do but the compassion and love that you give your patients and sweetie you have that in spades!
    I love love LOVE what you wrote about learning. The thing about learning is it makes us realize how human we are. How we aren’t perfect or know-it-alls. It is okay to be WRONG. It doesn’t make us less human, just more so. And that is where the growth is. You will be so much stronger from all of this. You already are!
    Negativity makes us appreciate all the positivity in our lives. Even superwoman is allowed bad days. One of the things I admire about you is your authenticity, that includes the bad as much as the good. You wouldn’t be you if you just kept posting all those gorgeous flowers…Okay please keep posting all those gorgeous flowers because they really make my day…especialy when I am surrounded by snow…But I digress;p
    Oh my gosh congrats! I am so excited for you! You will do amazing. Sometimes when we have low expectations is when we blow ourselves away!
    I hope you have a very Happy Easter beauty! ❤

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    1. Thank you TOOOOOONSSSS 💕💕💕💕 and the “cliches” are SO TRUE!!!!!! It’s crazy but another blogger left a comment on a couple posts ago about being thrown in the deep end- and I commented back saying it’s exactly how it felt!!!! And I really needed these two reminders 1. That it’s normal and 2. That no matter what, compassion and love is the BEST thing I can give. Gosh, you are so wise, and it encourages me more than I can even say! Ugh I can’t even explain what this meant to me- it brought tears to my eyes. And you will be happy to know I have TONS of flowers ready for the next post! Wooohoo! 🌺 I hope you have an absolutely beautiful Easter as well. Sending so many hugs your way ! ❤️💕🤗

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      1. Awe huge hugs. I am so glad sweets that I could help. We all need that reminder (or sometimes I need a kick…lol) when we get swamped with life. Huge hugs here for you always sweets! Yay for flowers! They really do make the world go round (and puppies…and baby giggles…and the beach..And I could go on 🙂 Thanks sweets sending you so many hugs! ❤

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  17. MACK, my sweet sweet girl!!!! Oh my goodness, sending you so much love through your tough times! I just wanna give you the biggest hug!!! No matter how hard and how heavy the workload gets, just know that you are incredible, strong willed and have so much stamina- not everyone can do what you’re doing or even make it as far as you have. This is your dream and although its A LOT, everything that your doing and learning is going to help you and your patients in the long run so don’t give up! All you need is some repetition and practice and you’ll be doing things as if you knew how to all along…and down the road, maybe you’ll be the one eventually training aspiring girls like yourself! Also I hear that crying is actually good for you so cry on when you need to, let it all out ❤ ❤ ❤ And girl return all the clothes because you are looking so good in those scrubs 😉 On another note, Lazy Dog sounds like the best place to be after a work day…. I love when you said you secretly sneak pictures in of DJ because he doesn't like photos and then finds them on your blog….SAME! Its so hard to get Andrew to take a picture by himself so I'll sneak them and tell him "well don't be upset when you see a bad photo of yourself on the blog" haha Also, I think you MAYYYY need some sushi in your life….I bet that would help! And congrats for getting to run the Big Sur Marathon!!! When is its? The Boston Marathon is coming up on Monday. But anyway, keep on keeping on girl. You can do it!!!!! ❤

    xo, JJ

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    1. Hi LOVE!!!!! I have SO MANY THANK YOUUUUUs for you! Thank you so much for sending your love! Thank you for all your belief in me. This encouragement means THE WORLD! And thank you for the reminder that this is my dream- it truly is- and what dream comes easy?! I was thinking that I can’t wait till the day that I can be the preceptor rather than the preceptee! What would I do without you!??! I can’t tell you how amazing it has been interacting with other bloggers during this time- this community is just incredible. And those scrubs— lol you are so sweet!, they are so huge, but they are super comfy and it makes it easy to not have to think about what to wear at 4:30 am, so I’ll take em’!

      AHH! YES YES YES- I love that you do the same thing to Andrew. Next time DJ calls me out I’m gonna just say “It’s a girl thing”.

      OMG!! OKAYYYYY! Hahahahah- I seriously just lol-ed about the sushi! I was craving it SOOOO bad today after my run. I texted some people to see if they could go get it, but nothing worked out (DJ is working until midnight tonight). I am going to get some Monday or Tuesday for sure. You are RIGHT when you say I need it. I think this is the longest I’ve gone without it all year! UGH!

      Big Sur is on the 30th! Sooo soon! Are you going to any Boston marathon festivities?! I cannot wait to catch up on your posts. I finally have a few days off in a row (with some online work thrown in), but reading your blog will be my motivation to finish all the work stuff! You’re the best, girlfriend! Thanks so much for stopping by and making my day per usual!!
      XO

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    1. Awww! Hi, Barbara!!! Thank you so much for your sweet words. This community is absolutely INCREDIBLE and I can’t say how much these sweet words encouraged me as I faced the next week. I hope you have a very happy Easter! ❤

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  18. Mackenzie! Awww girl sorry you had such a tough week. My perception was dang you cooked and took pics of all that food on your schedule! And are running a marathon! You’re hardcore. I say you go girl! Doesn’t seem like it but it will get better. In my prayers😌

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    1. Awwww!!!! Thanks, Kristin!!!! 💕💕💕 your prayers mean THE WORLD! Orientation is rounding down which means a bit more free time coming up next week. Woohoooo! Hope you are having a marvelous week 🤗

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  19. Mack!! ❤️ I’m so glad I had the chance to catch up on your posts– feels like forever! And reading from your first day at orientation to your most current post– wow so much has happened!! I decided to go back to this one though because I feel like we can relate to each other! But I’ll get into that later…

    I’m sorry you’ve been so overwhelmed and drained to the point where you’re bawling your eyes out but YES, you are such a strong girl and not just that but you’re a daughter of a King who LOVES YOU SO DEARLY. Every single thing you’re going through, He’s doing to strengthen you and putting you through these challenges because He knows you’re more than capable of accomplishing. You working in this field is a God given talent, not everyone has this calling but you do and I see the genuine care you have for your patients and just your eagerness to be the best nurse evvvver!! As a new grad, you’re not supposed to know everything so don’t be so hard on yourself (easier said than done) and next thing you know, one year will have flown by and you’ll be training someone else!! Hands on skills and critical thinking will be second nature to you in no time!!!! Never forget that God is always with you and the beginning is the hardest part but you will get through it ❤️

    I’m on the same boat as you!! I passed the boards shortly after graduation but I moved from California to Pennsylvania and my license to practice took MONTHS! I was getting discouraged because I felt like the more time passes on without practicing I’ll forget everything, but I kept praying and praying and my license literally came two weeks ago! I’m a registered respiratory therapist so if ever we’re in the same hospital, we can work hand in hand together!! lol but anyways, I just got my license two weeks ago and I applied to my dream hospital here in PA and I got a job offer the day after my interview! But I start in two weeks and I’m freaking out because I don’t remember much and my skills won’t be as sharp as it was, so I get major anxiety but when I go back to His word and read the Bible, I feel so much at ease. It’s just hard to not doubt and think I’m going to put a patient at risk because of all the things I’m now responsible for… like you mentioned tracheostomy care/change I don’t even remember the supplies to use!! lol so I’m reallllly nervous but knowing you’re there going through it and getting through it makes me feel better because it’s a reminder that we are more than capable ❤️❤️❤️❤️ Hope to keep more in touch despite our new busy schedule!!! Btw I’ll be doing 12’s and nights too!! And you make the scrubs look so cute btw, I have to go shopping for the uniforms this week I’m kind of excited 😂

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    1. Oh my goodness girlfriend! I don’t even know where to begin or how to tell you how encouraging this was for me. I wish I could just give you a big hug right now! You are tooooo sweet to take the time to read all my very long posts!!!! I was in tears when I read “You’re daughter of a kind who loves you so dearly”. I think I often forget just how in control of the situation Christ is. Even when I don’t feel like I have the strength, He does, and He strengthens me! I needed this reminder more than I can say.

      I cannot believe how similar our situations are! Sheeeeesh! (Also that would be incredible if we worked in the same hospital some day- what a dream!!!). Respiratory therapy is such an amazing career (I love all our respiratory therapists!) -MAJORRRRR congrats on nailing that job right off the bat! I am not surprised one bit though And let me give you encouragement- you will be trained and guided more than you expect! I was SO afraid of forgetting the skills after not doing nursing for nearly a year, but they come back much quicker than you think and the hospital will make sure you are good to go too. And there are always people to ask- the more questions asked the better!

      And you are SOOO right- there is no substitute for the Bible and God’s breathed word. I need to make more time right now in my crazy schedule- because He is the only one that can bring true peace.

      I’m so sorry I am so behind on your blog, love! I have never been this behind on reading blogs since I began blogging last July. I am having major withdrawals!

      Yay for scrubs!!! Hahah! I hope you found some comfy ones! I cannot wait to stay in touch!!!! I will be praying for you as you begin your journey. I am so giddy for you! Ahhh, I cannot wait to hear how it goes. Enjoy these last few days of freeeedom! 😉

      Sending you so much love, dear! XOXO

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