How ya doing?! Sooo I’ll be totally honest and say the struggle. is. very. real. Imma dive right on in. This past week/weekend have been hyper-emotional for me, laced with overwhelming anxiety. It has easily been the worst week I have had since beginning my job. The assignments have been tremendously heavy lately, and I feel like I’m barely staying afloat. Then applying for grad schools and random other things going on… I am down in the deep, deep dumps.(Well, why don’t ya tell us how you really feel)
I think part of it, perhaps subconsciously, is the emotions that come with November- the month I lost my Dad. Even though I tend to directly point to whatever else is going on in life as the source of the sadness, that’s probably a larger part of the equation than I acknowledge. In reality, this time of year traditionally does tend to bring up suppressed emotions and memories.
BUT, whenever I have been feeling down lately, taking this time to reflect and highlight everything good going on really has helped lift my spirits. Scripture, prayer, conversations, cards, encouragement from DJ and others… man, I do not know what I’d do without every little bit right now. DJ just keeps saying, “once you make it through this year, imagine how strong you’ll be”. Cue Kelly Clarkson!! (But for real… cliche quotes and songs have been my jam as of late— Whatever it takes- Imagine Dragons, Stronger- Kanye West……..).
My mom also keeps reminding me.. we are more than conquerors in Christ (Romans 8: 31-39). That is so powerful. Not just conquerors, more than conquerors.
Nope, I cannot do this alone. Not even gonna try because I’d be falling flat on my face.. but with Christ, I know I’ll make it because it is on His strength I rest, not my own. I know I should be spending this time working on my next application- but I don’t think I’m quite in the right head space for that yet. There have been some truly special memories in the last couple days.. and I would love to share them with you! (Plus blogging always gets me in a good mood- especially when I can share things like THIS…
OOOOk. I’m doneeee with my verbose harangue & nauseating puns. Promise. Well, for now.
Friday (11/3)…zoomed into Target post-shift to snatch some mint chocolate chip ice cream (the ultimate post cry ice cream) & an endless supply of Candy Corn. Anyone else stock up on candy corn for the rest of the year? ya? no? Jus’ me? Jus me & Doug?
Saturday (11/4) Deej and I had a date night at the row!! Wooohooooooo! Been a hot tick since a real date night for us. This was too fun. We decided to go to Yard House.
I even got to do my make-up for once in probably the last three weeks! Haaack ya!
DJ sampled their pork spare ribs with spicy bbq sauce, creamed corn & bbq pinto beans like the good midwest man he is.
I had their vegan burger (holy maloly) and side salad like the California hippie I am. This burger was flame. So tasty. I love how many options they have for vegetarians and vegans here.
Such a great meal and conversation with the hubs <3 We both agreed that Yard House is a tad overpriced especially for the portions.. but we also agreed that meant room for dessert!
We spent sometime strolling the Row, but the weather actually cooled down quite quick, so we zoomed back home to have cookies and watch some Parks & Rec.
Can anyone guess which chocolate chip cookies these are?
Sunday (11/5) Dj went in early to Church to help with venue set up. I snatched a few extra Zzzzs and woke up for some coffee and toast with toasted vanilla coconut yogurt, chia seeds, oats, a sprinkle of stevia, and apricots.
Church outfit! It’s time for booties, finallyyyy!- I am so excited!
At Church, we found out the next location our Church is expanding to is …. *drum roll* …. ROME. Yep, ROME. Our Church is only five years old…five. The audacious faith that our Pastors have is truly incredible to roll out five campuses in five years. God’s hand is so evident and revival is happening. I have no words to explain how ecstatic we are to see this vision come to fruition and to be a small part of it.
This service was SO powerful. I am excited to share it with you guys… you can watch it here.
After Church, Deejers also helped tear down and while he was doing that I finished up some laundry then decided to run from home to the place we were meeting for brunch. The run is about four miles from the apartment, but I made it about a seven miler- it was such a beautiful day, a beautiful service, so I just listened to some uplifting music while allowing adrenaline to replace the nagging anxiety.
We met at Left Bank to enjoy their fabulous French cuisine on the twinkle light lit patio. It is one of those locations that provides the full experience, not just the food.
I visited this restaurant with my mom about a year ago (that was the last and only time we have been). She ordered a Bloody Mary, and I decided to try one since I knew I liked it the last time I tried one in Santa Cruz. This one was okay.. the Santa Cruz one was much better! (DJ snagged the bacon ;)).
I ordered their salmon hash (again). Last time I had it I remembered how absolutely savory it was, and it sounded like a perfect brunchy meal on the chilly afternoon. All I can say is …Délicieux!!!! Absoutely magnifique!
DJ ordered their sausage hash and downed that thing before either of us blinked (of course, post picture 😉 ). I assume he liked it.
We walked around the row for the second time that weekend (becauuuuse it’s the ROW!). We popped into their little boutiques and I saw this on a card…
I started tearing up. (Yes, I’m that friable emotionally right now… I actually took a pregnancy test because I am giving Niagara Falls a run for its money… and I’ve been uncharacteristically craving Diet Dr. Pepper – obviously the test was negative.. but that’s how crazy it’s been. Is that TMI? I’m a nurse.. there is really no such thing).
Monday (11/6) morning, I decided to try something different with my toast! I mixed in Matcha powder in my yogurt, topped it with oats and chia seeds and honey. It was pahretttty tasty.
In the morning I cranked out chores while listening to podcasts, snuck in a nice long run, and stopped by Tea Chansi on Main Street for their Boba, which I was craving something fieeerce.
In the evening, DJ and I went to our Church Group. Gosh, I haven’t been able to go in for FOREVER, and it was incredible to connect with everyone and see our friends I have been missing something terrible. These are the snacks I whipped us for us and my good friend Danielle made some out-of-this-world delicious homemade soup & homemade bread.
It was a much needed night discussing the message Sunday, our vision for our own lives, and praying over each other.
Today has been hard. I’ve been pacing, anxious, and not able to really focus. I go back to work tomorrow after a stretch off. I haven’t been productive AT ALL with my applications. I am going to just focus on getting in a good head space- go for a run, clean the house, blast some feel good oldies, and maybe just read a book. I thank you all for allowing me to be honest in this season, and also for being ever so patient with me. Y’all are the BEST <3
PS. Ya all know we keep it one hundred around here…. I put up a post last night that I ended up setting to Private. If you did read it, I don’t think I was communicating very well what I meant to. I essentially was trying to say that sometimes perception is not the reality in the nurse/patient relationship, and it may be hard to see the nurse’s heart in light of the system in place and the demands placed upon us. I honestly didn’t intend to annihilate myself, but rather, speak from the heart to the patients I wish I could do more for. I also wanted to debunk the idea of a “good” vs. “bad” nurse that is often discussed (eg. often the perceived “bad nurse” on paper actually might care more than you know). I realize it came across pretty bleak, but I wrote it with the intent to be an artistic/poetic form rather than a woeful monologue. Not one of my best articulated pieces. However, I truly, truly appreciate those that reached out and left such kind words <3. (Ps. if you want to read it, I will send it privately). Ya live, ya learn, ya blog.
Annnnnnd couldn’t help but share this video because it made my whole day……