Midwest Culture Shock

Hello and happppy weekend!!! This trip back to Ohio for a wedding was absolutely perfect. It was a fantastic reminder of why the Midwest is so great, and but wowzers mctrowzers sooo different… we haven’t been back in the summer since we moved and we had a definite culture shock returning. (Also I should clarify – this is a small town in OH, the culture shock would probably be less in a big city like Cincy or Columbus). I thought it would be fun to record some of those observations since what used to be our norm is now foreign to us! I actually made a post when we first moved to California highlighting the CA culture shock I initially experienced. It shows how quickly your perspective of “normal” can be shaped by your environment. I should also add this probably could also apply going from many urban to rural areas and does not cover all of CA nor all of Ohio. I will be working on my recap this weekend, but for now I’ll just leave this list of shockers here. I’d LOVE to hear your thoughts!

  1. Driving in the left hand lane as a single driver. In CA, we have to drive in only the right lanes if you are alone in the car, the left is for carpool lanes strictly.
  2. As soon as we were on the road with our rental car, we were asking, “where is everyone?!”. The lack of traffic on the road made us wonder for a second if there was some sort of natural disaster. I miss those open roads!
  3. Food prices. Food is insanely cheap comparatively. I think DJ and I have just gotten used to the exorbitant prices to eat out and it was refreshing to see a more forgiving bill.
  4. Hearing people talk about fishing, barbecues, and buying a home. Buying homes out here is, well, just not an option. Hearing people my age discussing buying homes was mind boggling.
  5. Along with the lack of traffic, there is the lack of food options. (But it doesn’t mean there isn’t great food- as you will see!). While I was there, the same place was suggested to eat for dinner three separate times, and the same breakfast place two separate times by all different people. LOL! That would never happen here considering the multitudinous options.
  6. Less Diversity. Something I loved when we moved out here was just the melting pot of different cultures and ethnicities. We are definitely the minority where we live, so going back and being in the majority was a bit strange too!
  7. Seeing people you know at the grocery store… and the local coffee shop.. and the bank… and everywhere. It’s a small town, and you inevitably at least recognize someone everywhere you go!
  8. We aren’t considered “young” for being married. Most of my friends are married, engaged (or on their way to being engaged), and popping out kiddos. In CA, most people don’t get married until late late 20s, early 30s (if that), and we are certainly an anomaly.
  9. There is not a Starbucks (OR PEETS) every half a mile, so plan your coffee trips accordingly 😉
  10. There are certainly way more trucks than Teslas. DJ’s truck is considered a commercial vehicle here, hah!
  11. People eat dinner so early! We have adopted more of a 7/7:30 pm schedule for eating in the West, but most in the midwest schedule dinner for 5:30/6 pm.
  12. Thunderstorms are intense. I forgot how scary it can be driving in a torrential downpour. I do not miss driving in that rain, but I do miss the storms!
  13. The pace. There was something so beautiful, refreshing, and perspective forming about the slow pace and emphasis on what matters most in life- family, friends, faith and making memories. In Northern CA sometimes it feels like everyone is just rushing, always in a hurry to get somewhere and do something (but in reality everyone’s just sitting in traffic). There is a bit more of a concern and emphasis on occupation and education here too. Those things still matter in the midwest obviously, but it just seems that those priorities are different. It was a nice reminder for me, and maybe it all goes back to the slower pace. <3 (**also not saying this applies to everyone in NorCal, but just my observation**).
  14. Everyone is so friendly & strangers actually talk to one another.
  15. PLASTIC BAGS FROM THE GROCERY STORE. And without paying 10 cents?! Woah. woah. woah.
  16. Space! There is so. much. space. And grass!
  17. Country music plays everywhere. LOVE IT.
  18. Fashion is different here than in the midwest. Midwest fashion is brighter, more floral, and relaxed. In NorCal, fashion is more monotone dark colors, sleek, and form fitting. Denim is worn on the bottom in the midwest, and as a jean jacket in the Bay.

I could probably go on. Both places are two entirely separate worlds. They each have pros and cons, and I wouldn’t trade living in CA for the stage we are currently in. But it was a great reminder that no doubt, OH will always be my home, and I’ll always be a midwest girl at heart.  <3

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xo <3

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Finding my [[ Center ]] & Fighting Self Care Guilt

Happy Friday Eve, everyone! I have been spending the last couple weeks finding my center per the title. *Cue the yoga mudra*. This sounds like some serious Californian crap, but ohhh well, it’s trueeee.

Leaving off from the last post, I entered into the next week determined to do some serious self care.

Self care is difficult for me because I tend to feel like I have to be dying on my sword, exhausted in every way before I allow myself to take a darn bubble bath. But that’s what these couple of months are for before diving back into the deep end in August. I am struggling though because if I’m rested, calm, and moving less than the pace of a tornado- am I doing something wrong?! The guilt has been knocking at the door… but I had to remind myself of the beautiful lesson I learned about seasons/transition times when I moved here, and I am going to soak up these next few weeks best I can. After all, I have to be rested before I can give my all, right?

My sister, Andi, and I chatted on the phone on Father’s Day reminiscing about our Dad and life in general. I told her how I’m feeling a bit strange not being busy busy busy. She said the awesome thing about these phases and seasons is that you are available- truly available for whatever God might have for you.

Case and point- I was on a run today and saw a debit card on the sidewalk. In all my busyness previously, I honestly may have just left it, not bothering myself with it. But since I had the time, I was able to run the card to the nearest Police Station- It felt good being able to just do something that I selfishly probably wouldn’t have if I was in one of my busy seasons. The police called back and said the man was incredibly grateful. I also feel like I’ve just been able to be there for my friends and family a bit more this last couple weeks. Usually, I just keep my phone on “Do not Disturb” because when I was at work I obviously couldn’t answer, and when I wasn’t at work I was running around getting ready for work or trying to sleep. It resulted in a endless games of phone tags and a full voicemail box. Now, I actually have my phone on and am able to chat with my friends and family who are going through some tough stuff right now. I’m so glad I can be there to just listen.

So what does this self care look like? Well first, I have allowed myself to sleep without an alarm (which is a challenge when usually I set an alarm even when I don’t need one). My body has been thanking me though- I am breathing easier and feel like my feet are actually on the ground. My circadian rhythm is resetting- and not only physically- but emotionally too.

I’m beginning to actually feel like myself again.

Second- I am cutting out the artificial sweetener drinks and sticking to water. I love those ICE drinks and Vitamin Water Zero- but I have decided to try to just drink pure water. I have noticed the difference in two things- bloating & energy. I love my flavored wa’ (pronounced wah), but time to hydrate the old fashioned way.

Next, this past year in nursing I have severely damaged my back, actually more than I realized. I am working on doing more stretching and some yoga to help it, but DJ suggested I get a massage. I decided Monday June 11th to get one at Elements Massage in Los Gatos with a coupon. Although the masseuse  talked the entire time and we ended up talking about her family’s medical issues, it was still enjoyable. A nurse is never really off duty ;). Haha.

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Monday during The Bachelor(ette) season is my favorite night of the week! I love that DJ watches with me because he has the most hilarious commentary. We took a nice lazy walk on Sunday night on Main Street and passed Rootstock Wine Bar. We decided we would hop in there the next night for a glass of wine before the Bachelorette.

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It’s pretty expensive, but sooo delish, and a nice date place every once in a while. They always have some of the best wine. I also love the whole ambiance- it’s rustic, yet chic, and comfortable. On some nights they have live music playing. We sat out on the patio and enjoyed our glass of wine before walking home to eat our Tollhouse  chocolate chip cookies and watch maybe the silliest shows on television. (Although.. it does look like it could win an Oscar next to the Proposal- ew, that show– awful. Do not even get me started!).

Tuesday morning, the 12th, I tried my first Orange Theory class!!! I thoroughly enjoyed it. I used the arm band for the first one, so I don’t think it was accurate- but it a fantastic workout. I don’t think I’ll stick to the courses because it’s very similar to Insanity (with the HITT routine) that I already do. But every once in a while with some friends it would be fun!

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Almost every night this last couple weeks (That DJ doesn’t have a game of course), Deej and I have been going on evening walks after dinner. This has been one of my favorite parts of the day. We used to take walks often when we lived in Indiana, but have just been so on the go since moving here. It’s been great to have that time together to chat, unwind, and reconnect.

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Wednesday, the 13th,  I did Insanity then realized a new Handmaid Tale episode was out on Hulu. To Peet’s we go with popcorn in tow!

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After, I rounded up our groceries for the week from TJ’s and did some meal prep the rest of the day. In afternoon I started the book, “Behind Closed Doors”. It’s a difficult read from a content perspective, but goodness I could not put it down. Has anyone read it?

Thursday morning, the 14th, I made the same avocado toast that I’ve been having every morning while enjoying it out on my balcony. It has a slice of seeded bread, 2 TBSP hummus, 1/2 avocado, and pink himalayan salt and pepper. I think I’ll be on this kick for a while.

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I went for a run, although somehow I think a sweat bee got caught in my mouth and stung me or something. I was okay, but it was a bit of a shock and hurt! I don’t even know how that happened, lol, but the bee season is in full swing right now. I then was proceeded to be chased by killer crows on the last rung of my run. They followed me about 1/4 mile even when I changed direction and then started flying in front of my face. It was so scary!!! I dove across four lanes of traffic and finally lost them. (A few days later, I heard on the radio this is a thing in Canada!). Mack vs. Nature- 0-2.

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I then caught up on e-mails, laundry, etc.

One of the meals I meal prepped for the week was salmon, broccoli, wild black rice, and ciabatta bread from Trader Joe’s! We gobbled this up for dinner.

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Friday I headed to my first Bar experience!! I had heard about Barre3 from Kori, and when my friend invited me to try The Bar Method, I jumped on it. I think there are some differences between those two- but generally the same idea.

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The boutique was immaculate, quiet, and adorably decorated.

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So my thoughts on bar: I’m such a cardio junkie- so this was a fantastic new challenge for me! I loved how much they focused on strength through micro-movements. It was a workout unlike anything I’d ever done before. I still don’t know that I can totally depart from my cardio- but I would love to incorporate the idea of focusing on such specific muscles into my normal workout regimen more. No wonder Kori & Kaci (Kori’s twin) have the most perfectly toned arms!!

The rest of the day Sara, my friend, and I went back to her house to binge watch our show & snack.

In the evening I headed to Harry Potter Night to watch the San Jose Giants play!

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They went alll out for this! When you enter the gates, they give you a ticket and sort you into a house. Despite the long debate DJ and I had in our kitchen about which house we would be in, I was sorted into Gryffindor! (The sorting hat at Warner Bros said Gryffindor too, sooooo).

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If I had to sort myself I think I’d be in Ravenclaw. Which house are you?!

They even sold Butterbeer from a local brewery (It was basically cream soda, mmm mm!).

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I just LOVE minor league games, especially at Muni. The food is irresistible and the environment is pure fun and excitement.

I recorded on video the House Race on broomsticks, and this poor little man ate it. I felt bad, but I couldn’t help from laughing.

Saturday morning, the 16th, I was craving a soft boiled egg over my toast. I went through FIVE eggs to try to get one that didn’t break right when I was taking off the shell. Well…..

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I overcooked it when I finally thought I had it right. Haha. What are your tricks for a perfect soft boiled egg that’s a bit runny?!

I ended up just going with a normal over medium fried egg.

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Yum, yum!

I went for a calming long walk, listened to a podcast, chatted on the phone, and then during my mid-stride bliss, I was pooped on by a bird. Not the first time this has happened, probably not the last. After taking a THOROUGH shower and washing all my clothes, I then got to work posting tons of things on Poshmark and Ebay that I’ve been wanting to post for a while.

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These are all the clothes I have left (minus workout clothes/pants that are in my dresser). I feel lighter having narrowed it down to clothes I actually wear (considering I wear the same like five outfits in rotation- ha). DJ had to work the weekend, but was home Saturday night for dinner.

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We improvised with the little bit of salmon we had left, rice, and them a tomato soup from trader Joe’s with tortilla strips.

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Sunday the 17th was Father’s Day. It was a hard day- just missing my Dad and DJ had to be at work so I did feel a bit lonely. I went on a long walk in the afternoon and called my step dad, Pete, and my grandpa which turned my mood right around. I’m so excited to see them in about a month! I continued to spend the rest of the day spring cleaning and posting to Ebay/Poshmark.

Monday the 18th- Wednesday the 20th I spent the days shopping. Ok, that probably sounds wonderful to most of you, but not for me! I hate shopping (especially when I need something). I get in the mood maybe once a year for like five minutes when I actually want to shop. This was not one of those times. I needed to find a dress for a wedding we have next weekend and also was hoping to find something to wear for fourth of July. I struck out everywhere, leaving each place empty handed.

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^ I mean, this is what I’m working with… (although the dress alone is pretty cute!).

I did enjoy seeing the massive gorgeous Anthropologie at Stanford Mall.

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Since I couldn’t find a single thing, to online shopping we go (I must clarify- I do LOVEEE online shopping! I’m still a female, ya know?).

Tuesday evening, the 19th, we headed to DJ’s Dad’s to celebrate Father’s Day and to say goodbye (They are moving back to Ohio). It was bittersweet, but I’m glad we had one last hurrah before we saw them go.

Yesterday morning the 20th, I had the best cosmetologist (in my book) at Limon Salon work some serious magic on my damaged hair (part 2)… part one is in the previous recap where she had to work my hair out of the awful highlights.

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Last evening, I made a big crockpot chicken and veggie slow cooked meal that made the house smell magical. I am going to try to make meals in the next couple weeks that we can freeze for when things pick up here soon.

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I’m now sitting at Peet’s (imagine that) and then heading to a work dinner with DJ’s coworkers tonight. Woohoo!

How are your weeks going? If you know how to make a soft boiled egg, please help your girl out!

xo <3

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Facebook HQ Tour & Clearing Things Up!

Hello Everyone! I have been holding off doing an update post because I’ve been hoping to have a definite answer by now from the last school… but STILL nothing. They said late February/Early March, so I’m going NUTS. Sounds like everyone else is going crazy too based on the AllNurses.com thread I am following like a stalkery psychopath. I have been refreshing my portal every five seconds (where the decision will be posted). I’m loooosing it! This is torturous!

Also, I get that my whole job/school situation is SUPER confusing… so I want to try to clear things up for y’all who are not quite sure what the heck is happening, I can barely keep it straight myself: (or just skip this because, honestly, who cares haha).

  • In 2016 I graduated from a four year nursing school in Indiana with my Bachelors of Science in Nursing.
  • When DJ and I moved to California, it took me nearly eight months for the state of California to give me the OK to take my boards (If you followed me from the beginning you know the insanity that was!)
  • I started my one year Registered Nurse Residency program Spring 2017 on a neurosurgical unit. This means I am an employed nurse, but the residency is different as you have a more intensive preceptorship, are part of a cohort that you meet with about once a month, have a research project, and classes to enhance your clinical skills and learning. Nurse residency programs are a newer concept so this is where it is often confusing- it is not school, it is employment, just more supportive, learning focused, and integrative than traditional new nurse positions. Highly recommend.
  • I am coming to my one year with this program and graduate March 13th. (I’m also speaking at it, so prayers that that goes well would be MUCH appreciated). I present my research March 21st. After that I will continue to work on my unit for now, I just won’t have the extra class work or research project.
  • I am currently applying for graduate school to become a Family Nurse Practitioner. I have always wanted to be a general FNP, and am now considering more than ever possibly becoming specialized in neuroscience so maybe I can work at an outpatient neuroscience clinic eventually.
  • I am awaiting one last school’s decision before making my final decision. This decision is a big one because it determines where we are going to be living this fall.

Does that clear it up a bit?!

*refreshes portal*-  yup, still nothing.

Now we go wayyyy back! February 16th was my Dad’s birthday. My Dad passed away in 2009, and for some reason his birthdays always seem the hardest day for me. More than the actual day of passing, more than the holiday season (those are still difficult though)…. I think it’s because it’s the one day that was all about him. With holidays, we have new traditions/memories to buffer the pain. With his day of passing there aren’t great memories to miss or create a sobering wistful nostalgia contrasted with the grief and loss. But with his birthday, there isn’t much in between now and then… It is a purely bittersweet day. There exists what was and now a forever gaping “since then”. My family has had a hard time getting all together in the middle of February with our schedules, so the day immediately brings back the fond memories of going to Outback Steakhouse (his favorite) and having the whole family in one place. It is those memories that leave me missing him horribly and missing my family too. This year was a bit different though. Being in California, it doesn’t “feel” like his birthday without the blistering snow, Ohio quietness and gray skies. I sometimes am afraid I’m not honoring or remembering him properly- I wanted to go to Outback for lunch, but it didn’t work out with DJ’s schedule, and I had a string of work days coming up, so I hardly had any time in between. I talked to my siblings, that always helps-  but I just wish we could have all been together. I decided to take the day to remember and reflect- his kind heart, his unmatchable sense of humor, his sheer intelligence, his goofiness, and selflessness. I listened to those couple of voicemails I have saved from him that I know will both crush my heart and cause me to laugh through the tears. I wish that he could be in these blog updates and posts, and I wish he was going to see me graduate from this program next week. However, I like to think he knows, and is celebrating, just from afar. <3

I started the morning going to Target Express near us to fill in groceries that we were missing. On my way back to the apartment, I spotted that Main Street Cupertino had red lanterns held everywhere- I remembered it was Chinese New Year!

They had fun tents set up for the local businesses and people were bustling trying to snag some free SWAG.

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There were fun little dog structures made of grass and succulents. I was so impressed! How are people so creative?!

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I meal prepped for the day and prepped for work. When the evening rolled around, we had the awesome opportunity for a tour of Facebook HQ with our friend Tammy who works there.

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We walked into a pristinely clean lobby with a nook with an almost misplaced homeliness with a mini oculus set up.

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The woman at the front desk greeted us and had us give her our IDs. I had my ID out and ready in the car, and before getting out of the car I accidentally left it on the seat. When I realized this she went, “Oh no problem! Do you have Facebook? Just give me your name and I can verify with your picture!”. Too funny.

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She then told us to help ourselves the the drinks in the fridge and showed us where the bathroom was. I walked over to survey the free hydration station and saw only two things in the fridge- Diet Coke and Water. I laughed- Diet Coke was my Dad’s favorite bev. I told my sister earlier that day I wasn’t going to have time to go to Outback or do anything big to celebrate him, and she said, “Just drink a stinkin’ Diet Coke!”. I took a picture of this serendipitous moment to send her.

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Typically I wouldn’t take note of a bathroom, but this was the most stocked up public bathroom I have ever seen. It had EVERYTHING you could need, including hairspray. For some reason the hairspray made me chuckle.

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Tammy and Ben (Ben is Tammy’s husband) (also you may remember I met with them a couple weeks ago for lunch), met us in the Lobby and we immediately headed to the dining room for some dinner. Emojis greeted us, dancing along the walls. I was already mesmerized by the amount of meticulous detail pointing back to the Facebook Empire.

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They had multitudinous options for dinner, buffet style. Everything has a label and names each ingredient. They had plenty of delicious vegan (and non-vegan) options. When you are a Fbook employee, ALL the food is free (with the exception of a couple super specialty places). They say the first year you work there you gain the “Facebook Fifteen”. Most have verified this rumor has quite a bit of validity. I can see why!

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Oh, and let’s not forget, they also have beer and wine available for their employees. Drinking on the job is not exactly discouraged around the Fbook HQ. People had drinks sitting at their work stations and we were told during meetings it’s not unusual for people to bring in a glass of wine.

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Naturally, they have endless supplies of non- alcoholic bevvys including La Croix galore, Vitamin Water Zero (I love the lemonade one), and teas on teas on teas. Disneyland. Just Disneyland.

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The food was TREMENDOUS. Mmmmm mmm. I had a sampling of everything and was not disappointed one little bit.

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We then got a night tour of the property. Tammy said I’d have to come back in the daytime. Stay tuned for a part 2 sometime!

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The main drag is literally a town. There are plenty of diverse restaurants for any palate, a barber shop, ice cream shop, a Hub shop (to get your bike fixed), and an arcade! If you need to de-stress, no problem- just go play some video games on your lunch break. LOL.

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They have a little bridge connecting two buildings that they modeled off the Golden Gate, too cute!

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Then… for the most epic part…. getting to try Virtual Reality for the first time.

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It’s against Fbook rules to take pictures of the TV screen, but there was a screen right in front of where I’m standing. The TV shows everyone else in the room what I am seeing. With the headset on, I can see 360. It TRULY feels like you are standing somewhere else. It’s trippy. Tammy asked me if I was afraid of heights. I pridefully said, “Heck no, bring it on”. As soon as the screen transitioned I found myself on top of a building overlooking a good 1200 feet drop. My mind was tricked, and my heart started racing, my palms began to sweat and I began to panic. I had to actually take a moment, breathe and remind myself that I was not in fact overlooking a plunge to my death, but I was standing in a room with a very flat floor.

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Tammy encouraged me to explore my surroundings. I got down and looked over the edge, not daring to get that close while standing. I then navigated the rafters, the steel planks, and the surrounding buildings. I did all this within a small three foot space.

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We then did one where a dinosaur chases you. I had everything in me that wanted to turn and run, but I kept reminding myself, “this is not real!”.

The last one I did was a game where you chop up a bunch of fruit with a sword. I get super competitive in these things, okay?!? I know I look ridiculous, but come on’… serious about my fruit.

 

DJ’s turn!

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I then worked through the weekend, caught up on sleep, errands, and misc. to-do things on February 19th and 20th. On the 21st, I headed to my annual Dental checkup. I actually look forward to going to the dentist, not because of the actual dental part, but because of the people. I wouldn’t usually include something this silly in an update post, but it is a BIG deal that I have only needed one dental appointment this year. When we first moved here, I felt like I lived at the dentist office. (Hence how I know the staff so well). I had a root canal within a couple weeks of unlocking our door for the first time and had several follow up appointments to finish the repair and place the final cap. I was given a clean bill of health this time around, and no dental procedures are in my near future!

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I had about a million things on my to-do list for the day, but it was so beautiful out and all I wanted to do was blast my music and walk down the quaint street of downtown Los Altos. So I did. I was surprised at my ability to “waste” time and not feel too anxious about it, but I also think I needed this. I knew March was bringing with it a new level of stress and busyness that I was going to be wishing I had taken a couple seconds to chill, breathe some fresh air, and just relax.

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And for the love of God, you guys, please do not hurt their plants! lol.

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I decided with a clean bill of dental health and swag in my music fueled steps to treat myself to some solid mediterranean cuisine.

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Occasionally I like eating by myself. I don’t do it often, but I find it so relaxing. Usually I’ll bring my laptop to blog or a book to read. I sat inside Cafe Nur, my to-do list tucked away in my purse and deeper tucked in the back of my mind. I savored my vegetarian sampler, sipped my Pellegrino and blasted my favorite Spotify playlist. I reflected upon what a nutty year this has been, and I was only one month from overcoming the most difficult obstacle I have ever faced: Nursing. I began to get emotional—overwhelmed with relief, gratitude, and yet excitement of what is to come. This calls for extra pita.

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To prolong the procrastinative (not a word, but it should be) state, I decided to go for a long run out in the glorious sun. Mid-run I received an email from my Residency Program Coordinator saying she was still looking for a class rep to speak at our graduation. I don’t know if I had soaked up too much sun or was on a high on baba ganoush and running adrenaline but I volunteered. As I sent the message I both regretted it and applauded the strangely uncharacteristic act. I think deep down I felt that I wanted to express gratitude to all who have helped me and my cohort classmates survive this year. I also want to let my cohort know what bomb nurses they are and how thankful I am to have done this year with them. This year has been the craziest, most challenging, worst and yet most rewarding year of my existence. What is one more challenge?

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I spent the rest of the day in go-mode. Laundry, food prep for the next couple days of work and for DJ, clean, answer e-mails, and start a draft for a speech that I hope I make it through without vomiting on stage. We had our FINAL class March 22nd. We decided to do a massive potluck to go out with a bang. I made an array of veggies accompanied by pita chips and popcorn (since my coworkers find my obsession with popcorn quite hilarious).. I had to stay true to character.

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Proud of my hard work (aka not cutting my finger while chopping up veggies), I shot a text to my mom….

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Hey now, I didn’t adopt the California lifestyle, the Cali life adopted me!

Let’s just say, us nurses know how to whip up a pot-luck.

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And what’s a celebration without cake?!

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I and DJ worked the next few days. I then had the weekend off! Sunday night, DJ was hankering some In n’ Out. When you have an In n’ Out craving there is only one thing that will satisfy: In n’ Out. I had already meal prepped and was craving my massive salad awaiting me at home, but I tagged along so we could have some extra time together.

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Monday night= BEST night of the week. Bach time!!!! Y’all this season though. Too many thoughts… I won’t even get started. But jeeez la freaking louise. It is something! Per usual, we make our giant mega cookie out of pillsbury cookie dough. It’s tradition. It does not feel right to have bach without it. We literally refer to it as “Mega” like another family member. “Hey Deej, can you bring me mega?”. This night I had to go to bed immediately after Bach since I worked three in a row (including that Monday), but I relished the couple moments I had in between sleeps.

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After working overtime and tryna’ just keep my eyelids open, I decided to do my old tradition of getting a solid workout in after breakfast and then heading to Peet’s. My heart fluttered as I had set aside this day to finish up my speech. It didn’t take as long to write as I had anticipated. Once it was finished up and I saw my good ole’ friends at Peet’s from back in the NCLEX studying days, I hit up the local TJ’s to see what was cooking. I went in without a grocery list. You see, you don’t go to TJ’s with a list, you let TJ’s tell you what you need.

*Refreshes portal*- ugh, still nothing.

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I also went to Sprout’s to stock up on some carbonated beverages.. I go through stages where I CRAVE soda. I try to stay away from anything with aspartame (minus the diet coke from a couple weeks prior 😉 ). Some of my faves include Hansen’s and Zevia. Many don’t like Zevia because of it’s aftertaste (totally get it), but I’ve been hooked on it for years.

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*Refreshes portal*- nope.

I meal prepped for the rest of the week and work days. Salad includes tons of veggies/tofu/hummus/ and balsamic glaze.

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Friday, the evening of the 2nd, we stopped by DJ’s Dad’s house to visit with his family. I have missed them horribly! A healthy dose of family time was just what I needed to survive a pretty heavy weekend in the hospital.

This past Sunday the 4th, DJ had to get up with me under the full blown moon (4:30 am). I was so excited about this that I had to snap a shot of us taking the elevator down to our cars simultaneously and had someone to eat breakfast with!

 

After a super tiring work weekend (still recovering), we had Indian last night that I picked up from TJ’s with naan and white wine. Such a great combo. We lazily glued ourselves to the couch and the television as we watched Arie the Asinine make an absolute fool of himself. Y’all I hate to talk bad about ANYONE, I give everyone the benefit of the doubt, and actually thrive off “difficult personality” patients, but Arie.. I can’t deal with him. And I’m pretty sure he is a sociopath. He exhibited ZERO empathy during that break up. Ugh, my heart broke for both girls. Ok I need to stop before I get myself in trouble. *Deep breaths, deep breaths*.

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If you hung in with me through this full post, you deserve an award.

*Refreshes portal one last time* *buffering* – humbug. Still notta goose egg zero zilch. 

On a totally unrelated note, my favorite (and only) pair of yoga pants that I’ve had since Freshman year of college got a hole in them this week. An unsalvageable hole. Needless to say, I am in need of a shopping spree, much to hubby’s dismay. It’s gonna be hard to find replacements for those beloved pants, but alas, it is time to invest in some new basic girl attire.

xo <3

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A (F)untraditional Christmas!

Hello beautiful people!!! I am typing up this post from the air heading to Dallas, TX! Woohoo!!! So much has happened since my last recap, and I’m excited to fill ya in! To be honest… this holiday season I have been a bit of a Grinch. Not outwardly, in my conversations or by my actions…but certainly when reflecting on my own thoughts. I’ve known for a couple months now that I was going to have to work on the 23rd, 24th, 25th, and 27th. This only left one day for celebrations (the 26th)… and any time I work three in a row I have a difficult time opening my eyes the next day, nonetheless try to throw together a Christmas celebration on my “Sammy day” as we say (sandwich day in between work days).

I begged DJ to fly back to Ohio to be with family. After all, I would be at work majority of the time and when I was not I would be, well, .. A. exhausted and B. an actual B. Catch my drift? It’s just reality. I turn into a MONSTER by day three. Like Wicked Witch of the West meets Ursula. But, alas, the sweet hubby refused to leave me.

If ya know me, I have more “basic” tendencies than not…a la CHRISTMAS OBSESSED. Yet this whole season I didn’t feel inclined to blast Christmas music, baking cookies, or watching Christmas movies when I felt there would be no real culmination celebration with family and friends to celebrate our Savior’s birth. Ya knowww?

BUT there were till some fun happenings that didn’t allow me to avoid the season entirely.

On December 16th, One of DJ’s coworkers held a beautiful Christmas party in her home. It was incredibly elegant with charcuterie galore, hors devours, caviar, an omelette station, a plethora of salads, biscuits and gravy, mini parfaits, etc. etc. Not to mention the most satiating dessert bar. It was delicious and fabulous! I had a ball getting to know Dj’s coworkers better too.

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For the 17th and 18th we both worked hard and then the next few days I tried to round up most of my research project. It’s due the 8th of January so we are ticking down to the last few days!!! Y’all I am PUMPED about it. I cannot CANNOT wait to share it!

On the 19th, Sara, Tammy, and I all headed out for some bday celebrations for Sara’s bday!

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We had drinks and cheered to another year of our Sara over salted caramel popcorn complete with peanuts, bacon, and rosemary (it sounds like an interesting combo, but it is an interesting combo that WORKS!).

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I savored their irresistible pan seared salmon with sauvignon blanc sautéed salmon, asparagus, zucchini, red onion, red pepper, fennel, roasted beets, avocado, arugula, and lemon vinaigrette.

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Tammy tried their butcher’s flat iron dip with carmalized onions, fresno chiles, mustard aioli, Havarti, and au jus.

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Sara opted for their cowboy burger with shoestring onion rings, bacon, cheddar, and beer barbecue sauce.

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We finished off with a complementary birthday Sundae for Sara. It was way too fun and nothing beats some good girl time. These two have kept my spirits afloat this year. I don’t know what I’d do without the two of them.

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When I went home, I was greeted by some decadent truffles from another client of DJ’s. I am a sucker for truffles. I cannot get enough. You all know I love a good cliché, and does it get more cliché than Christmas truffles? I think not, and if loving this cliché is wrong I do not want to be right.

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The 23rd-25th were work days. Guys, so much happens during my day on our crazy neuro floor and I have so many stories that I’d like to share (protecting all anonymity of course)…. But sometimes there is just too much to say and explain that I avoid sharing anything all together. These days were filled with my first patient fall, rushing a patient to surgery to prevent paralysis, and a few tears. The thing is…..each day I have worked has a story, a situation that would make you gasp, cringe, squirm, or cry tears of joy and sadness. I am afraid to share these stories because I don’t want to do an injustice to the experience, to the fact that these are real lives, real person’s & family’s reality. However, for 2018, I am considering sharing a story, maybe once a week or every couple of weeks before I forget them. I have learned more about humanity, vulnerability, compassion, patience, and love in this past year through neurosurgery. I’d love to share these lessons and stories that have left a footprint on my soul. So stay tuned for how that all plays out.

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Our coworkers are so encouraging, and I’m thankful that we all have each other’s backs in the chaos.

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Also, one of the nurses brought in this HOMEMADE cake. HOW?!?

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The 26thDJ and I had our day to celebrate our Christmas. I kept telling him the 25th was our Christmas Eve. He played along like a trooper (even though I’d snap at him every time he mentioned Christmas being on the 25th… “NO HUN, IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEVVVVVEEEEE”.

On our faux Christmas Day we slept until the cows came home and then had “Christmosas”, cinnamon rolls, an omelette, and I even made some turkey bacon for Deej. I love whipping up big meals, but now-a-days I feel like I have such little time to cook like I prefer to. This morning was a treat for me.

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Deej figured out how to get a fireplace to play through our TV. I just love love love ! Thank gosh he knows how to work technology. I swear I am from the stone ages when it comes to working a remote control.

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Christmosas: Dry champagne/ Martinelli’s grape juice/ granny smith apply slices/ pomegranate seeds.

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We then blasted our Christmas music, put on our now traditional Christmas onesies and opened presents on the ground like a couple of children. It was obnoxiously fun, and I want to say a massive thank you to all who sent the most beautiful gifts and stockings to our house to give us a real Christmas. It really did feel like Christmas, and I am so thankful DJ played along with me. Jesus wasn’t actually born on the 25th, right?!

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In the afternoon I laced up the new pair of Adidas Boosts DJ gifted me and headed out for  Christmas run… a Jingle Jog if you will! The weather was perfect, I had the sugar from the cinnamon rolls rushing through my veins- I was zooooming. Talk about a runner’s high! I felt like I could have ran forever. It was one of the most glorious runs I have ever had.

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For dinner, I whipped up scallop and crab stuffed sole (from Omaha Steaks- thank you Aunt Terry and Uncle Pat), asparagus, mac and cheese, mashed potatoes, cauliflower mashed potatoes, roasted veggies with tofu, and grand’s flaky biscuits. We savored every bite over some nice white Pinot Grigio and a Charlie Brown Christmas.

img_4979-1img_4978-1img_5007-1img_5011-1We finished the night with some GLORIOUS Moser Roth truffles (THE best truffles on planet earth- their strawberry rhubarb is a must-try) and our classic Chocolate Chip cookies.

For being an untraditional Christmas, we both agreed it was one of the best. This was certainly a year I will treasure forever. I loved celebrating with my patients and my husband. Sometimes different is not so bad.

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I had to head back to work the 27th, it was a difficult shift..

I’m tired, y’all. So very tired. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Our project will soon be submitted and I will have a minute to breathe…. Maybe… we’ll see! I’m learning to just enjoy the small moments, take deep breaths, and count my blessings because there are so very many- this blog and all of you being one of them. This has been the hardest year of my life (besides the year I lost my Dad). But I would not trade it for the world.

This morning (28th) was filled with early morning wake up call, stuffing myself with some toast, a full on pat down going through security (I was basically stripped to my breeches in the airport), and now a minute to sit back and relax on the plane. We are heading to Dallas and are munching on nuts, a salad for me, and a burger for DJ. I am working on my thank you cards from Christmas (I am one of those odd birds that genuinely loves writing thank you cards). I cannot wait to see my momma and step dad, Pete, and of course, my little pooch, Jade.

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I don’t usually make New Years Resolutions. But this year I have one…

I have learned an enormous amount this past year and one of those lessons is that there is freedom in vulnerability. I have things I want to share but have not yet had the courage to. I have slowly showed you all my heart in certain situations, but I hope in 2018 I can dive deeper, share more of my heart, and be honest about parts of my story that I have never shared before.

Thank you for sharing in our life, for supporting and encouraging us on our journey. I am thankful, I am so thankful for each of you.

xo <3

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A Foxy Pup, an Ice Cream Battle, & Recyclops!

Hi, Lovies!!! I don’t have a super eventful update— but as always, I want to reflect on the hum drum and find the highlights, you know, find those doggone silver linings (they are there, I promise!). First, I am SO excited to say I have officially submitted my first grad school application. It was a DOOZY. It’s (maybe) my first choice, but I am very confused about the whole decision. I’m applying to schools across the country (and many online schools that pair you with a nearby hospital). I just pray that God will make it clear where we should be. I love California; I love it so dearly, and I love our life here. But we also LOVE exploration  and when else will we have this flexibility to just get up and go (cough cough… kids…..), so who knows… but I don’t know that we can imagine leaving here yet. I don’t know! I guess we will see! Nothing will happen until next fall, so I’m hoping all things will just fall in place the way they should.

Just a little context, I’m sitting here this Sunday evening with my mint chocolate chip ice cream, a glass of cabernet sauvignon, and NYC Housewives playing on the laptop (Uhm, Aviva- take a chill pill girlfran’). I don’t have the GRE or November application deadline hanging over my head (although I have about three more coming up in November- March), but for today, we will relish in the moment. DJ has the World Series playing in the background, and things feel actually OK at this second.

I think we left off right after the GRE. I went back to work for a few days, and DJ headed to Ohio! I wish I could have went back, but work owns me. I am thankful he had such a fantastic weekend with his family, but I am honestly a bit jealous because I miss them all terribly.

On Saturday, October 21st, my dear fran Sara, (you may remember this chica from here, here, and here), stopped by to hangout and catch up while DJ was spending his last day in Ohio. We decided to go to Steins for an appetizer and a drink to catch up!

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The waiter brought us the cutest little mini beer mugs to try their featured sour flavor. It was cute, but wayyy too sour for our liking. Plus neither of us are big beer guys.

We tried a recommended featured cocktail with capurro pisco (not sure what that is), but it ruined the flavor. We were not fans of this cocktail. However, their beer garden cooler was delish and refreshing. Highly recommend if you end up finding yourself here.

Also, highly, HIGHLY recommend their truffle fries- TO. DIE. FOR. Perhaps the best truffle fries ever. I think the only other ones that contest were the ones in Santa Cruz.

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ANNNDDD Sara surprised me with Foxy Lady (that’s literally her name) (you may remember her from this post). I was ecstatic. I just love this pup so much.

Sara cracks me up when she has Foxy do her dance.

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When Foxy wants her tummy scratched in the hallway, she will not take no for an answer.

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Cutest little pumpkin <3

We hung out, laughed, had an aggressive battle with a Talenti gelato mint chocolate chip pint (if you follow me on Instagram @ __mackenzie.marie__ you probably saw) and chatted until about 11 pm.

We literally wrestled with a Talenti container for probably twenty minutes. We tried EVERYTHING from knives, to rubber twist jar openers, and finally rubber oven mitts….it was a scene. Beware the Talenti.

Anywho, It was such nice, much needed girl time!!!

On Sunday October 22nd, I woke up bright eyed and bushy, but realized I didn’t have yogurt for my toast. I panicked, but no worries- there is a Target just down the road. I picked up my coffee mug (didn’t even bother putting it in a tumbler) and headed to Target to snag some yog. I know all the workers, considering I stop by there nearly every day, so they didn’t blink at me showing up disheveled with my half finished cup of coffee and zombie affect. It happens more than I probably should admit. After I was all caffeinated, I zoomed to pick Deej from the airport!

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When we came home, DJ had to whip off to work for a couple hours. When he came home, we decided we were in the mood for some lunchy brunchy food. We have been wanting to try out the local Bob Evans (Aka Holder’s Country Inn). It received great reviews on Yelp, and it sounded like the perfect Sunday afternoon meal.

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I had their veggie scramble with egg whites, peppers, mushrooms, salsa, and avocado. Every ingredient was immensely fresh and satisfied the craving to a tee.

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DJ tried their pancakes… now, if you follow along, DJ is on the hunt for the best pancake. So far the best ones we have found in the area are Bobbie’s. They have yet to top the Bellagio’s from Las Vegas, or his mom’s (DUH!).

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He also had the country fried steak with eggs. Doesn’t get more Bob Evans-ey than this, folks.

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After we returned home, I decided to take advantage of the glorious day and go for a nice jog outside.

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The leaves are changing, the colors are vibrant, and the weather is finally cooling its jets (it has been ridiculously hot here). When I came back home I whipped up my new absolute favorite meal. I was going to wait until a Friday Faves, but I can’t. It’s too good!

My all time favorite potato is the sweet purple white potato (purple outside, white inside). It actually has more antioxidants than a regular orange sweet potato, and I swear tastes better. You can find different varieties- some have a white colored inside, and some have a vibrant purple.

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I stir fry together white onion, mushrooms, Lightlife tempeh, and eggplant with liquid aminos.

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Once it’s all caramelized and the sweet potato is cooked to tenderness, I stuff the tater! So easy, so absolutely delicious, satisfying, and high in protein/complex carbs.

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And the caprese salads are still going strong for DJ!

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He and I have not been able to do many of the “fall activities” this year ( cue melancholy soundtrack), but I have been listening to a plethora of crime podcasts, have eaten an embarrassing amount of candy corn, and we watched Cropsey together on Amazon prime over the course of a few days. SOooOOO sort of taking advantage, yah?

I even found this wine to accompany the documentary  because it seemed appropro. DJ always laughs at how excited I get about the “idea” of something.. I like things to be themed, anyone else feel meh?! Why just watch a crime documentary when you can watch a crime documentary with CRIME wine on the heels of listening to crime podcasts in the midst of Halloween hype?! PS. Documentary was tremendous.

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And I mean these socks are basically me after a couple shifts so… had to invest..

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We both worked Monday October 23rd, but the 24th I picked up my bridesmaid dress for the November wedding (EEEK!!!!), and then later in the day grabbed a massage (much needed). There was a $30 off coupon online for a super nice salon in Sunnyvale. I jumped on it, and enjoyed every stinking second of that massage.

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After the massage, I stopped by Safeway to pick up my Ice Cream (Oatmeal chocolate chip cookie dough….. it says limited edition but I’m convinced I am keeping them single-handedly in stock). I also stumbled upon this RXBar. Mint chocolate chip you say?!? Yesss sirrr-eeeee.

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I still prefer the Chocolate sea salt, but I see they now have pumpkin and maple. Uhm, yuhm. I need to hunt those down!

On Wednesday, the 25th, and Thursday the 26th, I buckled down on my application. I spent the full days slaving over that booger. It was in-stinking-tense. I definitely needed a break to clear my head… this called for an extra long run, which turned into an impromptu half marathon. #procrastinationnation.

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And on the heels of any long run, candy corn is EXTRA necessary.

Later in the day I stocked up on groceries for the next few days from Sprouts Farmers Market. This is one of my favorite grocery stores around.

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^^This is as close as I got to a pumpkin patch this year.

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In the evening, I decided I needed some sushh. It has been a hot minute!!! I went for my go-to sunset roll with unagi, ahi tuna, and lemon with a side of wakame salad and extra ginger.

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I worked Friday and Saturday. Friday morning was bad, bad, bad. BAD BADDDDD. First, I was out of coffeee (nough said, right?). I drove to work early so I could make a cup, and when I checked my phone, it said my time off request for the wedding the end of November was NOT approved. A few months ago I had a face to face conversation with my manager confirming that it wouldn’t be a problem. So now.. I panicked, the anxiety set in, I couldn’t see straight. I started bawling in the bathroom before my shift. I quickly messaged her explaining I had already bought the plane ticket and told the Bride I could be in the wedding based on our conversation. I spent the whole morning sick to my stomach, holding back tears, and gritting my teeth through my assignments. Halfway through the day she e-mailed back saying it was approved, she just had to go back and adjust the way it was formatted in our system. I have never been so relieved. I cried again— tears of relief. I was a MESS. I would not have made it through the morning without the support from my family who sent scripture and prayed over the situation when I frantically filled them in before the shift began. Thank you Jesus for answering that prayer. I still take deep breaths just thinking about it.

But on a much brighter note….. .on Saturday the 21st, DJ headed to his family’s for a costume party. I was bummin’ I missed it this year. You can check out the post from last year if you would like 😉 Our costumes were certainly something! Haha. This year DJ was Recyclops from the Office! He nailed it. The rest of the family’s costumes were amazing too. I wish I could have been there to see them in person!!

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Sunday (the 22nd) I accidentally slept in wayyyyy too late after working all weekend. Whoops. I can’t interact with anyone the day after working a few in a row and my body cannot physically function. I get in a fuzzy funk from the exhaustion and move the pace of a sloth. I decided to wake up my body with a run before finishing up my application.

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It was perfectly brisk, with cloudy skies, and the weather finally exuded those autumnal feelz <3 I love LOVE cloudy Sundays. Sundays in the fall are the ultimate relaxing day after Church, naps, football, and candles. A cloudy day just enhances the whole experience and I feel like “gives me permission” to be lazy.

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One of the houses along my run had a little garden out front and was growing butternut squash(es), squash? I think just squash. Can you say #GOALS?!

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I also saw this beautiful flower and couldn’t help but snag a picture. Is it weird that I thought of a Punnett square when I saw the unusual distribution of colors?! I will always be a bio nerd at heart.

For dinner, we tried the Daiya vegan Margherita pizza. Not only does DJ love the Vegan burgers, but now is on board with the vegan pizza. He said it was easily just as tasty as a regular one.

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And that’s a wrap! As I finish up this post, it’s actually morning now, I am sipping coffee, eating a protein bar and my toast, and for the first time in a LONG time I don’t have something hanging over my head for the day. I am gonna finish up my breakfast, go for a run, answer some blog comments, and read Harry Potter until my eyeballs fall out. Woohooo!!!!!

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xo <3

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Friday Favorites # 7

Hey y’all! Happy FriYAYYY! I actually get this weekend off too, so I’m pretty excited about that 🙂 DJ has been in Tahoe since Tuesday for work, and I miss him something fierce, butttt we’ll get to see each other this weekend! Without further adieu…. Here are this Friday’s Friday Faveeesss!

  1. The yogurt/toast is backkkk!!!! I am tucking away my avocado smoothie recipe from the summer and bringing back my yogurt/toast combo. I use either Dave’s or Ezekiel Cinnamon Raisin bread topped with Fage yogurt, low sugar craisins, stevia, and granola. It’s so stinking gooood.

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2. Pumpkin decor!!!! I picked these little punkins up last year and shared them with y’all then, and I was stoked to pull these back out from storage and blow off the dust! DJ said my autumnal excitement is a bit premature, but I say there is no such thing. Where is y’alls favorite place to find home holiday decor? Mine couldn’t be more predictable: Homegoods and Tarjay.

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3. I’m trying my hand at gardening for the first time ever with eco-culture herbs! My Aunt Terry (who was here nearly a year ago, SERIOUSLY, how has it been so long?!?) gifted these to us, and I am obsessed. These are little planters that you can actually plant indoors in the natural window light or outside. I am currently growing basil, cilantro, and parsley. Next I’ll be growing sweet marjoram, sage & garlic chives. They are so easy to use, and gardening (my albeit baby step gardening) is such a cathartic process. Stayyyy tuned!

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4. Just ….fall.. Can fall be a Friday Fave? I say yes. Leaves are falling (or one fell) & autumn is thick in the air (well I got a whiff). While out on my run yesterday I spotted these gorgeous Japanese maples & vibrant bright colorful landscaping. **Side note: I can identify many leaves after a biology project in high school- we had to identify tons of leaves as part of a final project, and weirdly, most have stuck with me. So if you need a leaf identified, send it over, lol.** **side side note : Ironically, I can’t identify flowers for crap though 😂**

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5. If you are a nurse, you have to follow nurse abnormalities on Instagram and also her blog here. Danielle has a real talent for encouraging new nurses as they begin this challenging career. She articulates phenomenally well about the realities and true abnormalities of being a nurse from the good the bad the weird, the hilarious and the absolutely beautiful. Recently her post to new grads hit home big time for me.

img_16676. The Black Tux! Ok, so I’m pretty bummed I just discovered this site, as it would have been SUPER ideal for our wedding. I know several of you are engaged or will be soon, so I figured I’d share this. Basically at Black Tux, you can rent tuxes/suits for wayyyyyyy less than typical rental/retail stores while also getting free shipping (and free size exchanges). We had groomsmen from several different states, so this would have made things a whole lot easier for us. Also, they are partnered with Nordstrom, so you know it’s gonna be high quality. If you know someone who needs to rent a tux, this company is definitely worth checking out!

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7. I promised I’d share the sermon that impacted me big time last weekend… you can find it on Itunes podcast.

img_16668. WINDIANS!!!!! I just have to throw in here that I am so beyond proud of my Indians ❤️❤️❤️ 22 game streak, baby!!!! Even though the streak is over, I am still so excited for my home team!

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9. Welp, we gave in! We done did it. We finally got the Target Red Card after much contemplation. DJ and I aren’t very keen on credit cards for stores, so we chose the debit option (zero risk involved!). Every time you use it you get 5% off. It’s added up a ton. I highly HIGHLY recommend this if you shop a decent amount at Target, or even if you don’t shop that often- it’s still 5%!img_1655

10. Last, but not least, the grocery store was having a huge wine sale, and I decided to grab this bottle for super cheap of Handsome Devil. I am not picky at all about wine, but I do love a dry, yet non bitter cab. This one hits the mark at such a small price!

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Have a TREMENDOUS weekend, y’all!

xo <3

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Six Month Nursing Evaluation & Reflection- Good News!

HEY GUYS! Wow, a ton has happened since my last post, and I am stoked to update you all! I am going to whip out another post soon about my friend from college who visited, but I want to do a quick six month nursing reflection realz quick for my own archives.

**If you want to read my last nursing update, hit up dis link **

So, as you know, I had my meeting on Monday for my six month evaluation and end of the probation period since beginning this nursing gig in March. Most people said if we haven’t had any prior “conversations” we were probably in the clear, but being me, every little thing I’ve done wrong since beginning this job just danced around in my mind. When I went into the office, the response I received from my managers, patients, and coworkers shocked me- it was so uplifting, encouraging, and positive. She quickly said she was excited to promote me to a clinical nurse II (Eeeek!). Like I said- I was shocked. Shocked.

This was tremendously different than the voice that I’ve been feeding myself this whole time. If she had asked, I could have given her a list a mile long of everything I have done wrong, everything I need to improve on, everything I’m too slow at accomplishing, everything I don’t fully understand, and every failure I’ve had since beginning.

I have a bad, bad habit of beating myself up over everything. Can I get an amen from my fellow perfectionists out there?

For instance, I could have several truly beautiful and meaningful interactions with my patients, but that one patient I feel I fail is the one I dwell on. I could do twenty things right, but that one little mistake is what keeps me up at night. That’s called negativity, ladies and gentleman. And wowza, after realizing how much I wallowed in that negativity, this truth hit me bold in the face: I am a hypocrite. Allow me to explain. Just the other day I was sitting with one of my patients that was having some negative self talk. I sat down next to this elderly man, and presented him the positive side of every negative thing he had just said. Then I grabbed a water bottle at his bedside that was serendipitously half full and held it out in front of him. I looked at him, this man who I couldn’t get to crack a smile the whole day and said, “Now, is this half full or half empty?”. He looked at me, totally catching on to what I was doing, and reluctantly he broke a small smile. After a long few seconds of deciding whether he should appease his dorky nurse, he finally said, “Half full”.

Yup, there is always a half full. I was just missing it, and apparently I was not living what I was preaching.

This whole evaluation process helped me realize several things. First, the perspective I have had of myself as a nurse is quite different than how those around me perceive me, but more importantly- how my patients perceive me. The feedback from them means more to me than anything else, and the fact that it was all positive meant the world. I know I have failed them at times, and some days on the unit I am simply too busy to provide the emotional support I wish I could. However, seeing that it’s been all positive feedback means somehow I am still conveying I care, even when I feel that I’m failing. Second, I learned it’s actually okay necessary to be kind and forgive myself. Every mistake I have made up to this point has only made me a better nurse. The inability to let go of these “less than perfect” circumstances only creates turmoil in myself, it’s a destructive seed that benefits no one and manifests in hair loss and a chronically upset stomach. Ain’t nobody got time for that! Soo, I am choosing to forgive myself and offer myself grace. Third, although it’s super important to learn from the mistakes and look for constant improvement, it’s also okay to acknowledge when I do something well. I need to start realizing that I am competent, because this will translate into confidence, allowing my patients to have more confidence in me.

This has been hands down the hardest six months of my life, and I have spent far too much reflecting on my many, many failures. So now I will take time to reflect on the successes. (This is strictly for me to be able to reflect and document my growth as a nurse- not at all in a sense to come off braggadocious because, let’s be real, I could write five novels on how I screw up daily).

Thinking back to when I started on the neuro. unit six months ago, the growth and learning that has taken place really blows my mind (pun totally intended). I cannot take for granted this opportunity and experience, and I reflect with a thankful heart despite the countless tears, heartache, anxiety, and well, insanity.

Six months ago I could not interpret lab values or interpret what was important, but now I’m managing critical labs and hanging potassium like it ain’t no thing. Six months ago I couldn’t titrate a lumbar drain or an EVD, now I can work in the neuro close observation room managing a couple at once. Six months ago I couldn’t perform a thorough neuro exam or identify a patient stroking or developing ICP, now I feel confident calling stroke codes and requesting stat CT scans. Six months ago I wouldn’t have the first clue in knowing how to manage a patient’s blood pressure using only PRNs, but now I will bring a BP down from 170 to 130 in less than 30 minutes. Six months ago I couldn’t do discharge teaching or admissions, now I am doing multiple at once (slowly, but surely!). Six months ago I didn’t know what to report to a doctor, but now I know am making recommendations. Six months ago I had no clue how to turn a patient or reposition them, now I dare you to get a pressure ulcer on my watch. Six months ago I was terrified of IV pumps, now I titrate lidocaine and heparin drips. Six months ago I had no clue how to work with PT, OT, SLP, or case management, but now we coordinate care together daily. Six months ago I didn’t know how to collect spec. gravs or draw blood from central lines, now I’m managing DI and SIADH with every hour Is and Os and shooting that blood up in a tube to lab is oh so satisfying. Six months ago I would shake in my scrubs at the idea of changing a PICC dressing, now it’s one of my favorite nursing skills. Six months ago, I was too emotionally and physically exhausted most days to do anything outside of work, now I am making plans with friends again. Six months ago, I didn’t take the time to stop and pray with my patients, now I try to offer whenever I can. Six months ago, I didn’t put my full strength in Christ, but now I surrender every single day to Him, because without Him, I would not have made it through these six months. These victories are not my own, rather it’s the victory of all the family and friends who have supported and encouraged me. It’s my husband’s victory, who has been my rock this past six months when I’ve been crumbling. And ultimately, it’s the victory and glory of the One who has carried me each second of the day. (Oh, and I guess coffee deserves a shout out too).

Thank you all for your sweet words and prayers leading up to the evaluation. Also- I received the stamp of approval on my research project today, so that’s what I, and a couple others from my unit, will be tackling for the next six months. I am absolutely giddy about it, and one eager beaver to share it with ya’ll in March!

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xo <3

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Protein Packed Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Breakfast Cookies

I start every single day with cookies and end every day with ice cream.

Not kidding! I say it’s the secret to a balanced diet and keeps me motivated to eat healthy the rest of the day!

Soooo…. I am finally sharing my breakfast cookie recipe per request! I have spent time after time and batch after batch trying to perfect these little guys. I finally feel I have come to a place where these breakfast cookies are exactly what I crave in the morning. And by crave I mean if I don’t have any left come morning my whole day is off. I pair a couple with my creamy avocado smoothie and am usually set for a full morning of work from 4:30 until about 11 am when I have my first break. Plus, the sweet & savory combo is perfection.

Grocery List:

  • 2 scoops Protein Powder of Choice (I prefer EAS Vanilla)
  • 2 C. Oatmeal of choice (either old fashioned or quick oats- I like quick oats)
  • 3 TBSP Enjoy Life semi-sweet mini chocolate chips
  • 2 Large overripe Bananas
  • 1/2 C. Organic Peanut Butter (I use Laura Schudder’s)

Directions:

  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees
  2. Mash bananas in a large mixing bowl with a fork or spatula
  3. Add all other ingredients
  4. Stir and mash with spatula until thoroughly mixed- put your muscle into it! It’s dry at first, but eventually becomes nice and doughy (may use a Kitchen Aid)
  5. Using a Tablespoon, scoop cookies one at a time onto a greased baking tray
  6. Put all cookies into the oven, cook for 7-8 minutes
  7. Allow to cool, enjoy!
  8. Store leftovers in the fridge.

**They taste like little cookie dough bites cold, but I reheat mine in the microwave a couple seconds before eating them in the morning. I think they are even better warmed up!

Nutrition per cookie. Servings per batch: 31

Calories: 63

Fat: 3g

Carbs: 7g

Protein: 3g

Sugars: 2g

E N J O Y!

xo,

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Take me Out to the Ball Game!

HUMMPPP DAY! Happy Wednesday! I worked all weekend and yesterday, but right before the work grind, I had the awesome opportunity to FINALLY go to an SJ Giants game last Thursday!!! If you are new around here, DJ works for their marketing team, and I’ve been dying to go see him do his thang’. Also who doesn’t love a baseball game in the summer?

I whipped out my SJ Giants baseball cap and hit the road!

I briefly had the chance to say hello to DJ and meet some of his lovely coworkers finally! I still just can’t believe this was the first time I could actually attend. I invited my friend, Sara, whom I’ve mentioned in a few posts. She met me at the game and we were in for one heckuvah evening!

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This night was “Christmas in July” themed. I immediately recognized the Christmas in the Park sign from when DJ and I actually attended the downtown festive filled event last winter.

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I even spotted Santa, ‘magine that! You can catch the fella prowling all around San HO HO HOse, all year long.

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I loved loved loveeeed the stadium. There is really something about a minor league baseball game’s energy that is invigorating. The food options lining the walkway are tremendous. The touches of detail are as enticing as the food choices. Even the walk area is marked by giant orange footprints of a wondering “Gigante”, the beloved giant gorilla mascot.

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We watched the beginning of the game, but quickly the wafting aromas of barbeque and fried carbs beckoned to us from the bleachers. The SJ Giants are known for their fantastic food options- particularly their churros, garlic fries, and beer options. We found our way to Turkey Mike’s BBQ with our free meal coupons (thanks Deej <3 ). If you find yourself at an SJ Giants game, Turkey Mike’s is the ticket. Even the long line attests to that. SO worth the wait.

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We nibbled, LOL . NOT. WE SLAMMED. I ordered a veggie hot dog (which might be my real draw to the game- I discovered these suckers in Baltimore at an O’s game and thought I was in actual heaven), cole slaw, and a marinated veggie sandwich with feta (yes, basically two meals, but it was all freeee!) Sara used her meal voucher and tried the chicken sandwich with a side salad, and we both split garlic fries and a couple of hard ciders. Not gonna lie to ya’ll, …. it was probs one of my favorite meals in a looong time.

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I’m so thankful for this chica. She’s one of those people I instantly clicked with when we moved here. She also has the greatest laugh of all time- it’s contagious! Oooohhhhh and she’s super patient with me as I tried to stealthily sneak all my foodie pics for the *whispers* blog.

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I  also snatched pictures of not one, but two, creatures in their natural environment!

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Sara and I are still talking nearly a week later about how much fun it was. It was super cool for me to see where DJ spends most of his time. He’s one of the hardest workers I know, and I was thrilled to support him and our city’s team!

How were all your weekends?!

xo,

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I Accidentally Stole From Target & Other Recent Happenings

HOWDY! Excuse me while I unleash my good ole’ southern side (I just booked a quick four day trip to Dallas in August!). YEEHAAW. My schedule only comes out about three or four weeks before, so I’m doing all my planning last minute, but I’m learning to navigate it.

I’m thrilled to tell ya’ll that things are getting mucho better. I think after I wrote my last big nursing update post I began truly coping. I’m able to sleep through the night most nights without taking an absurd amount of melatonin, and I am able to separate work from home a bit better. I actually have some energy outside of work and am becoming motivated to start, idk, do real people things, besides sleep on my off days. I’ve still had days that would consume me at the beginning, but now I try to just see them as a learning experience. I feel that I am contributing more to my patients’ care too. One of my patients was just a bit too drowsy for my likin’ and had sluggish pupils. I let the doctor know, and when they did the CT scan it turned out he did have a re-bleed in the brain. As much as I wish these types of complications didn’t happen, it was incredibly rewarding to feel like I actually made a true difference for a patient. I still have an infinite amount to learn, but I don’t get nauseous every single day walking into work. I’ve actually had a few times where I’ve been somewhat excited to go back in because I knew I was getting my same patients back from the prior day! This turned corner is all, 100%, due to the tremendous support I have received in the last couple months and spending time in God’s Word has truly helped change my perspective. I don’t think I could have survived the first three new-grad nursing months from h-e-double hockey without you all, DJ, my family, my friends, and other coworkers. It sounds supes cliche, but it’s the truth. I have just a couple months until my probation period ends and I think I might just make it, guys! Then I will officially be a Clinical Nurse II! Just gotta keep peddlin’ on. (I needed to work in this photo somehow).

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Also my coworkers have jokes… I walked into this when I worked last Sunday and found it hilarious.

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When going through my Camera roll as of late I noticed two things. A. All I do is take pictures of food. and B. I make some weird crap. But I swear, it’s delicious crap.

Ok, exhibit A….

I decided to try a portobello mushroom cap stuffed with baked tilapia, blistered tomatoes, hummus, kalamata olives and seasoned with Za’tar. I had a side of quinoa & brown rice. It turned out crazy good. I made it the next day. DJ really enjoyed it as well and commented how good the house smelled when it was all cooking.

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I also have been craving tofu lately! Last week I made a medley of roasted veggies, vegan turmeric cauliflower mashed potatoes, and pan roasted tofu with tomatoes.

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I then bought giant collard green leaves and stuffed them with the above plus a dollop of hummus.

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I’m obsessed. I can’t stop eating these little guys!

Last Monday (7/10), I finally FINALLY was able to see one of my girlfriends, Sara. Our schedules haven’t been lining up lately, but they matched for once! DJ had to work super late that night so it made for a great impromptu girl’s night. I still had to work on Tuesday, but not until 2:30 pm, so I didn’t have to go to bed at 9 pm. She came over and we watched Bachelorette, sipped champagne, and ate cookies & chocolate. It was sooo needed.

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Tuesday (7/11) DJ and I worked our toosh’s off, but Wednesday (7/12) we both had the same day off! *GASP*. The same day?!? Yes, yes… I know it’s hard to believe, I was looking for the pigs flying overhead too. We were both pretty exhausted from the day before and decided to just take a chill day. We started our morning with a breakfast at Bobbie’s Cafe. This is a staple breakfast place in Cupertino. It’s your typical mom-and-pop dive with great staple breakfast options, phenom service, and friendly folks who appear to frequent the diner for their morning cup of Jo and side of eggs.

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You know a place is gonna be good when they welcome you with this many hot sauce options….

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I ordered their poached eggs over an english muffin with a side of cottage cheese. It hittt the spot!

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DJ says Bobbie’s pancakes are some of the best around here. I tried them, and definitely concur. I say they taste similar to Heidi’s– light but full of flavor.

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In the evening I made DJ a pepper jack crusted chicken with a sprinkling of pita breadcrumbs and pasta. For myself, I ate a collard green/cauliflower/veggie/hummus/tofu whatever-the-heck you wanna call it wrap.

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Since we graduated our FACC series class, we are only having one class with our Cohort every couple of months. We begin our research project in September. Eeeek! I am too pumped. I already know what our topic is gonna be, and I’m nerding out hard core.

They surprised us Thursday morning (7/13) ( with the most gourmet breakfast! I quickly snuck a picture when no one was around 😉 ) #DOITFORTHEBLOG.

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It included all kinds of fruit and bagels with cream cheese, capers, and smoked salmon. I told one of my coworkers that every single tear in the last few months was worth it for this very moment.

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After a long week of work, DJ and I set out to Oren’s Hummus shop on Main Street lateee on Friday night (7/14). It was a super spontaneous date night, neither of us thought we would be home as early as we were (I actually got out on time!).

If you want the run-down of Oren’s, go here, such a throwback post. It’s one of our all time favorite spots, and they have some of the best hummus in the whole wide world.

For an appetizer, make sure to order their original hummus with a side of whole wheat pita. Greatest life decision, I promise.

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I always order their Moroccan carrots, marinated beets and veggie skewers, and DJ usually gets their beef hummus.

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Funnnnnyy story: We stopped by Target afterwards to pick up a few groceries and a card for a friend. I picked out the card and walked around with DJ for the rest of the food he wanted to pick out. When walking back to our apartment, I realized I still had the card under my arm and hadn’t paid for it. I FREAKED out, classic “me” mode, and started sprinting back to Target hollerin’ to DJ, “I accidentally stole it!” When I looked to my right there was a Sheriff stepping out of his car in the parking lot. I dived into Target half expecting him to chase me. I’ve always loved the show Cops, just never expected to be on it. Nothing ended up happening. I walked up to the cashier and explained what happened, they couldn’t have cared less, but I clutched that receipt ready to explain myself as I left the building!

On Saturday morning (7/15), or any day I have off, you can almost definitely find my in my lil’ egg basket. I just swing, swing, and swing while enjoying my coffee, avocado smoothie, and oatmeal chocolate protein cookies. It’s hands down my favorite part of the whole day!

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DJ and I both had Saturday off too. DJ played some basketball with the guys in the morning and I went on a nice, loooong run. We also snuck in a few episodes of Game of Thrones and before we knew it, it was dinner time!

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DJ suggested Mod Pizza. How I haven’t been here yet is beyond me. They have them all over the US- anyone tried it?! It’s basically a subway for Pizza and it’s amazing.

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The crust/sauce/and topping options are endless AND they are reasonably priced. Around here that is a BIG deal. (literally). SUNS OUT, PUNS OUT.

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Deej ordered a Chocolate Milk Shake- I tried a sip. If you are a shake lover, you should definitely order one of these. Wowza! It was sweet, but the chocolate flavor was sending me into a whirl like the Cuckoo bird in the Coco Puffs commercial.

I did a Mini-Mod with red sauce, all the veggies, and fig balsamic glaze to top it.

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DJ had the Mad Dog!

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I couldn’t believe how quick the service was too!

After we devoured every bit of our pizzas, we headed to the Row to be out and about (like I said, I’m beginning to turn back into my old self a bit more!).

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The parking was super limited on a Saturday night, so we had to park on tippy-top of the parking garage. We didn’t mind though, the view of the Sunset was perfect, and we made it just in time!

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Anyone recognize the car below? It’s the one from Back to the Future! (DeLorean DMC-12).

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On Sunday (7/16) we went to Church. It was one of the first Sundays since starting this job that I actually had off and could actually go. It did something good for me to see all my friends. I missed everyone so doggone much!

After I did a quick grocery trip. I love grocery shopping- I just put my headphones in, listen to a podcast, and stroll the magical Safeway aisles.

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In the afternoon I meal prepped a bit- cutting up veggies, getting meats ready, yada yada yada, and then I made my faveeee oatmeal chocolate chip protein cookies. I cannot get enough!

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DJ has been asking me lately to make the Dixie Stampede soup. Dixie Stampede is a Dolly Parton owned show/restaurant in a few locations. DJ went with the basketball team in college to the one in Branson, MI, and came back raving about the soup. I whipped up a big ole batch that lasted all of three days.

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It is currently Wednesday (7/19) after working Monday and Tuesday. Today I am going out on a long run to catch up with podcasts and then I’m not sure what the evening holds! Tomorrow is pretty busy though, I’m excited to share all about that in my next recap post. Now that I’ve downed basically an entire jar of PB2, I’m off to run and soak up some beautiful sun! What are you all up to this week/weekend?

((BIG HUGS))

Blog Birthdays:

Major happy birthdays to Fallon @ Slacker Runner in July- an epic, motivational, and genuine runner who also has an terrific sense of humor!

and Niki @ Nikisthoughts.wordpress.com on July 18th! (I’m a bit behind, but I hope you had the most wonderful day!). I love Niki’s Share Your World challenges- they are super fun and insightful, and also spark some awesome conversation.

xo <3

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